TREASURES FROM THE EARTH

On the tables and shelves in my library room sits a small collection of stones. Mostly agates, a couple in their natural state, some cut into big chunks. Some are carved in thin pieces, candleholders I found on line from which a light glows in the background, adding spots of light to the candles that already dot the room. Tiny points of light to guide a person to the comfy couch and a book, a perfect start or end to a day.

In the morning, putting books aside, I sat. In one hand a letter from my niece asking me to tell her something of her grandmother who died before she really came to know her. In the other hand I held an agate. As I did so, I noticed that at the small frozen edge of a large pond that sits out behind the house, a King Fisher stood, looking for breakfast, finding only an icy hard table. His eyes could see in air and under water, but today his vista was barren. The pond completely frozen but for a small center, like an eye wide open to the insult of the cold. In its deep blue center, a small movement of stream, water ebbing and flowing, occasionally leaving the eyes center, out onto the ice like a tear. It waits and it waits - seeing only upward, hoping for warmth and light before it's forced to close itself in resignation.

Winter was upon us, and too many years have passed for my niece since her grandma's death. I hope a lifetime will pass before that kind of loss may find it's way again into a home where her heart lies in. I think of what stories I should tell her. A cup of English tea shakes the cold off of the room and soothes the chill that lingers only in my neck, the rest of me warmed by words that form from thoughts of the past. Words that I hope offer her happy memory of times she didn't witness.

There is strength in memory, just as there is light. In one minute of memory there's my Mom's hands on the sun covered counter, making the chocolate chip cookies that I love to this day, hands steady and firm, belying the tremor inside of her. She would carefully measure out the flour and sugar and salt, then just flinging in more chips than called for, wild abandon of sweetness in life too often bland. In another, I see myself bathed in the light of the fire in the great room, waiting with her, as music from the stereo filled the air in a kitchen fragrant with love. Letting the deep richness engulf me with a taste, hot from the oven, washed down by a glass of milk, cold as ice, meeting the warmth and expanding us both.

In spring, after the winter cold and snow retreated, we would head outdoors, just the two of us, along the shores of local bodies of water looking for stones, stones that may have not been unearthed for years, abundant embedded in earth and sand. They're quiet treasures on the shores of the the West, wind swept lands riddled with unclaimed treasures that people simply pass and forget, not knowing what they have underneath their feet. Beneath this great land lies jeweled richness of stone, and prehistoric bones, telling tales as they surface, dotting the future with pieces of the past.

Some stones are so tiny as to be little bearings of smoothness, the size of a small birds egg. Others take both hands to hold. My Mom as well, was fascinated by stones, and we'd search through the grey and dark and cold surfaces looking for the one that will break open into glorious color of gemstone. Rich colors forged in heat and fire and fate. We'd hunt down an agate, and knowing what we will find inside of it, we'd smile.

In native Indian culture agates were believed to cure the stings of scorpions and the bites of snakes, soothe the mind, prevent contagion, still thunder and lightning, promote eloquence, secure the favor of the powerful, and bring victory over enemies. In this agate, Mom might not find a cure for the stinging bite of what she has within her that was too soon to take her life, but in it she found strength and beauty, swirling colors of joy in that moment, something to sooth the thunder that rolled through her in dark frightened moments. She hand picked them, and cataloged them with us by type and color and origin. I happily worked with her, capturing the deep energy of the earth. Harnessing the forces that kept her alive.

Outside the frosted window this winter morning, a hawk, stalking the small King Fisher, came to find sustenance, cunning and vigilant, feathered fate waiting and watching. Always wanting something more. He sits, quiet, like stone, unmoving and waiting for what he desires. Determined in his longing for life, no different than any of us.

So, with remembrance of those times, I would try write my niece of what I remember of the strong women in our family. The writing paper is held under a weight of dense agate, the colors of blue and white and silver, as surreal as the sky under which the hawk flies, as blue green and clear as my Mother's eyes. My niece did not get the chance to truly know her, and only maintains that bond through photos held and scattered around the shores of our family's homes, waiting to be picked up and found.

But I remember. All I can think of is my Dad, after she was gone, moving across their bedroom floor in bare, cold feet, the room now nearly empty, but thunderous with her presence. Her clothes still in her closet, the remnants of her existence in colorful pieces of cloth, in her favorite colors of agates, blues, and obsidian and ivory and golds, discovered like gemstone when the closet was broken open. And the look on his face as he found them. Not a look of grief, or incomprehension, but a look of fierce affirmation that she had been here. Of recognition of the subtle, complex beauty that was found deep within her strength. Of the jeweled richness she had left the next generations of women who love stones.

.

The hawk took to the sky with a keen of loss, joining the radiant aggregate of blue, the prey he desired long gone. I had tried to write the words. And I couldn't, words frozen in my throat, a tear trickling out of my eye, splashing on stone, as azure swirls of cold clear blue let loose the waters of memory.

An old fashioned range supper.

I hope that if you haven't, you will take the time to read the post that follows this one -"Home for the Holidays". Here's hoping that all of you are enjoying this special time of year. Love - Brigid

GLAZED HAM DINNER - For Christmas - or just some of your favorite people.

Like my Mom, I enjoy cooking meals for friends and family. I especially enjoy digging out her old cookbooks, and those of my grandma, like the Settlement Cookbook (where instructions to cook the chicken dinner, start with actually catching and killing the chicken). The great length and detail to which these meals were crafted then was mind boggling.


But if a loved one stops by while in the area, I can still put one together. No one ever "taught" me to cook. I just watched.


It starts with a 5 pound smoked, bone-in, ham, covered with a thin layer of orange sauce. The meat thermometer is vital (this one here just in briefly for a photo op) for all large cuts of meat. It was my Mom's and is probably 40 years old. Wrapped in foil it's going to cook at a low temperature (300 for about 2 and a half hours).

To accompany the meat, fresh green beans, and homemade cornbread stuffing baked in a casserole, full of sage and caramelized onions and yeast rolls. And of course garlic mashed potatoes. While the potatoes are cooking I'll check the temperature of the ham and baste it with more orange sauce.

Then time to smash - roasted Yukon golds, roasted garlic, caramelized onions and some sour cream and parsley. OK. . where's the smasher?


The bun warmer is identical to the one we had when I was a kid that I found at Vermont Country Store. The rolls are baked earlier in the day, then heated gently in the bun warmer.


Everything is ready.

The table is set. The wine is poured.


I think Mom and Grandma would approve.

A Letter to my Representative

I'm increasingly appalled by where the dollars in the 700 billion dollar bailout appear to be going. This is my best recollection of what I said in a letter to my state representatives in Congress. Not sure if it was heard then. I certainly hope, with the auto bailout vote looming, that lots of people have written of their displeasure.

Dear____________:

I ask, as a responsible homeowner, that you do not follow in the footsteps of Democratic senators and endorse additional bailout of the sub prime mess with tax dollars. As I write this, you are being asked to support using part of the seven hundred billion dollar federal bailout, which so far appears to be in excess of the entire cost of World War II (adjusted for inflation), to subsidize poor business decisions, deliberate risk taking and greed. Subsidize it with MY tax dollars.

The proposal to, among other things, bail out people in foreclosure, many of whom were sub prime borrowers, may seem humane on the surface, but it's wrong. And those begging for the bailout are saying we should do it for reasons like this:

KEITH ERNST(D) - Senior Policy Adviser - Center for Responsible Lending : "These are families who, in many instances, this house is their primary asset. It’s how they’re holding their wealth. It’s their nest egg for retirement. And those homes are a just tremendous jeopardy right now, and largely this is because of the shoddy underwriting that’s taken place in the sub prime market in recent years and these so-called mortgage resets, where a borrower’s interest rate could go from 8% to as high as 12% just two years into their mortgage. And this results in a payment increase of 30% to 40% on their mortgage."

You don't need a degree in economics to see the lunacy in this statement. He goes on to state that "1.4 million of these threatened sub prime homes are the owner's FIRST home purchase". Then he stated we should bail them out as it's their "primary asset". Most of those people bought those new homes with NO down payment. With no down payment and no principal being paid, they have no assets. They are paying the equivalent of rent for a home in which they have no equity. Even if the home is refinanced through this plan, it would be, in most markets, worth tens of thousands of dollars less than they owe on it. For a house to be a "primary asset", don't you have to have equity in it, or a reasonable chance to build some? The sentiment is humane, but the reasoning is flawed.

Certainly one would wish to help people who bought wisely, now in foreclosure due to their jobs being lost. But I ask that do not use my tax dollars to bail out greed and avarice, either in housing markets or banking and other industries that perpetuated their own situation with their own avowed practices.

Let's give an example. For this I quote higher incomes, ones that some elected officials term "rich", if one is single. They are used for example only, $100,00 being easy to do the math on. Yet, cut the income quoted and home prices purchased in half, or by two-thirds, and the example remains true.

A person with an income of $100,000, whom I will call Brenda Doe, bought a smaller, older 3 bedroom, two bath home, priced at much less than the areas average house cost of $200,000. She put more than 15% down and financed the remainder at an interest rate of 6.4 percent with her good credit, with a fixed rate loan. Her monthly payment, including escrow for property tax and insurance, is around $1500 a month. That is about 30 percent of her take home pay after retirement contributions, leaving enough for repairs, food, transportation, small emergencies and student loans. This is her first home, bought after saving for years while living in a small apartment.

Then there is Mary Doe, who is older, single with no children, and has an income of $100,000 as well. Mary went from her rental condo that she could afford, and opted for an opulent, five bedroom, four bath, 3,500 square foot, $400,000 McMansion in the same geographic area as Brenda Doe. Mary put just 5% down and financed the rest with a 2/28 ARM. This loan allowed her to pay a low (for her less than great credit score, she admitted) interest rate during the two year introductory period. After that, the full amount of the loan would be recalculated over the remaining 28 years with a new rate.

Her initial low interest, first two year rate of 7%, with a property tax of 1.25 percent and a PMI of .5, resulted in house payment of $3244. That's almost 60% of her take home pay. But Mary hoped (I prefer the word gambled) that the market would boom along with her home value, that she indeed she would get the promotion and raise that had been hinted at, or even that she'd get married and have someone to share the expense in that two years. Of course, that adjustable rate mortgage "adjusted" (hence the name) in two years and also had a balloon payment attached,wherein when the remainder of the loan is due after the introductory period in one lump sum.

Mary planned on refinancing at this point, but that didn't quite work out. By living in a house she couldn't afford on one income and using her credit cards to buy necessary items, with the house debt on the books as well, her credit score diminished greatly. Mary was still single and her promotion never came through as her company cut back and even laid off some folks. With that, and other market factors, financing wasn't an option. At the end of the two years, her interest rate jumped to 11% and her monthly interest payment to $4392 and she went into foreclosure. Homes in Brenda Doe's neighborhood are selling, slowly, and at a loss for the owner. But they are selling, as they are still in reach for people coming into the area with equity to get financing. Homes in Mary's neighborhood are sitting vacant in large numbers.

Luckily for Mary, the government, with your vote as our elected official, is proposing stepping in and providing billions of taxpayer dollars to restructure her loan, such as getting her lender to reduce her interest rate to 3% for five years, deferred payment on $100,000 of the balance and extending the length of the loan to 40 years, all with the help of one of the new, government-backed rescue programs which will help her and protect some of the losses of the predatory lenders. That will reduce her monthly mortgage bill. with taxes. to $1,511, about what Brenda Doe is still paying for an older, much, much smaller home in the same area.

Mary will essentially be able to hang on to her palatial home with the help of Brenda's and others tax dollars. As important as some of you may say that it is to the larger economy, it's hard to argue that it's fair, or even smart.

Yes, some borrowers were taken advantage of by predator lenders; good people trying to get ahead and provide for their families. Some bought homes they could afford and then lost jobs or had divorce, death, or serious illness of a family member enter their life. For those individuals, I would wish that there was some help. Extending unemployment benefits is one step. Bringing back tech and manufacturing jobs shipped overseas would also make more of a difference than giving an out of work stockbroker or IT specialist a shovel and pointing him or her at a road that needs repair.

I have been unemployed, more than once, due to corporate bankruptcy. I've been there and I had to sell my house or downsize and rent a smaller place. But I never expected the government to bail me out. Nor do I wish the government to bail anyone else out with our money. Yes . . . . ours . For it's not the government's money, it's ours, the American taxpayers. It should not go to bail out poor decision making, gambling on the market or greed. Publilius Syrun, a Roman author of 1st century, BC said it better than I -"Poverty wants much; but avarice, everything”

.

No one bailed out those who bought tech stock in the late 90's. No one bailed out the gambler who took the money he needed for next months bills and went to Vegas and promptly lost it. People take risks with their money. Some turn a tidy profit, many more lose their shirts. Bailing them out to the tune of billions of dollars of taxpayer money is not the answer.

The best way to have market based corrections to our housing market is to allow those who made poor decisions on either end to take their losses and let the market recover, thus sending a message to corporate America. A message that says "get greedy or provide less than competitive services, and we will NOT bail you out". The housing bubble was bad. My home has lost a great deal of value, and thus the equity I worked so hard to save for, is gone. But one sure way to ensure bubble after bubble, be it real estate, insurance, cars, or other industry, is to institutionalize what someone at the Wall Street Journal wisely called "the one way bet".

It's not just about the economy. It's about greed. It's about living beyond our means, both as individuals and as a nation. This living beyond our means has been made possible by borrowing money we don't have, reducing current and future generations disposable incomes to heal something that has no immediate monetary band-aid. Heal it with resultant millions that will be unaccounted for, ending up in the personal pockets of those people who structured the problem in the first place.

Taking needed disposable income from working tax-paying American is simply throwing hard earned money at the very people and companies who should get as little as possible, thus structurally incorporating moral hazard to the long term economic debacle.

I'm not an economist. I'm not versed in banking or financing or real estate. What I AM is a taxpayer, who worked inordinately hard in school and life to get what little I possess, both in assets and earning power. I gained it through competitive hard work and honesty. As a taxpayer, the only economic stimulus that I would ask of you to uphold, as my elected representative, is to let the economy remain one of conscientious capitalism.

Sincerely,
Dr. BD.

The Meme that wouldn't die. . . . . .

The batphone has rung so for tonight, a short post that I hope will make at least one or two of you smile. . . .

The meme going around. 100 things I've done. Those in bold, are it.

1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band. (clarinet)
4. Visited Hawaii. (Not vacation, work trip.)
5. Watched a meteor shower.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyland. (The old original one.)
8. Climbed a mountain. (well ,technical hike more than climb, Mt. Hood, much younger with better knees.)
9. Held a praying mantis. (What are you, nuts?. . the females eat entire cars and their boyfriends after mating.)
10. Sang a solo. (People will pay me not to.)
11. Bungee jumped.
12. Visited Paris. (Not for a holiday, a quick stop and go while going elsewhere.)
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch. (Does making brownies count as "art"?)
15. Adopted a child. (No, but was the birth mother of one.)
16. Had food poisoning. (All airport food tastes like chicken.)
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.

18. Grown your own vegetables.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train. (it's on the "bucket list")
21. Had a pillow fight. ( I'm the only girl in the family, think pillow massacre.)
22. Hitch hiked. (Not smart. . I know.)
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill. (I was sick of meetings, that counts.)
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb. (They ARE tasty, though.)
26. Gone skinny dipping. (Is that like chunky dunking?)
27. Run a Marathon. (I did ride my bike 50 miles to raise money for diabetes once.)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run. (But I caught a fly ball at an Texas League game once.)
32. Been on a cruise. (Ugh - no thanks.)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors. (Scotland, I love it there.)
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied. (My needs are simple, friends, food, a fire, a dog, my guns and books)
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo's David.
41. Sung karaoke. (Only once and it involved bourbon. I was in south Florida -the song I chose was Willy Nelson's "blue eyes crying in the rain", but I sang it as "blue hairs driving in my lane", or so I'm told.)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance. (Got life flighted once.)
47. Had your portrait painted.
48. Gone deep sea fishing. (With my Dad.)
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling. (Snorkeling yes, and it was grand.)
52. Kissed in the rain.

53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater. (My Dad took us once when I was really little.)
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia. (Tonight's dinner menu - horse and cream!)
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Got flowers for no reason. (There is ALWAYS a reason for flowers, it's just not always apparent,)
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma. (I'm O negative, the universal donor, they like me to show up, I've been known to take bribes of extra Oreos to show up as I do not like needles in me,)
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a check. (I was 17 but most of Congress has, what's one more,)
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar. (Ewwwww - bait!)
72. Pieced a quilt.
73. Stood in Times Square. (Not without my concealed carry I won't,)
74. Toured the Everglades. (It would have been more fun if I'd got to drive the airboat.)
75. Been fired from a job. (I was 18, it involved wearing an elf costume, Santa and the mall, don't ask,)
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London. (Saw the guards, didn't have the patience for the change,)
77. Broken a bone. (Arm twice, rib, nose and fingers.)
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car. (Jeep years ago.)
83. Walked in Jerusalem. (No, I'm all for history but I prefer outdoor cafes without exploding things on the menu.)
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible. (Most of it, but not all.)
86. Visited the White House. (Got invited to the last two inaugurations but wimped out because I'd have to get all dressed up - doubt I'll see an invite to this one.)
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating. (Thanksgiving 2000, 19 pound jake.)
88. Had chickenpox.
89. Saved someone’s life. (Not directly.)
90. Sat on a jury. (Got called once but given my job, I was disqualified.)
91. Met someone famous. (Wasn't impressed.)
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person. (It's wedged between these two giant buildings, sort of sad to look at.)
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake. (Remember The Far Side "Slug Family Disasters!")
97. Been involved in a law suit. (Only as a witness for one side - I do that a lot.)
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee. (African or European?)
100. Read an entire book in one day. (Usually Robert Parker, they're one day books but I enjoy them.)

COWGIRL GUN AND HOLSTER - SERVED RANGE STYLE

An anonymous commenter asked if I ever used some of those prepacked ready made meat dishes. Because they'd take less time than my recipes.

Let me explain.

THIS IS NOT MY GUN

THIS IS MY GUN


THIS IS NOT A PORK CHOP SERVED ON THE RANGE:
THIS IS A HOME ON THE RANGE PORK CHOP

I rest my case.

Maple Bacon Gravy

Serves three to four: (pictured over mashed potatoes and peppered tenderloin)

You will need:
milk
maple syrup
7 large pieces of bacon
chicken broth
Penzey's Mitchell Street Seasoning or Old Bay
crushed red pepper
olive oil (may not be required)
Parsley for garnish (optional)

For ease of assembly:

In one coffee mug place 1/4 cup chicken broth

In a second coffee mug place 1 cup plus 1 Tablespoon milk as well as  1 Tablespoon plus 1 and 1/2 teaspoon spure maple syrup. (note 1 and 1/2 tsp is 1/2 Tablespoon)

In a third coffee mug place 1 Tablespoon plus 1 and 1/2 teaspoons cornstarch, mixed well with 1/4 cup milk, 1/8 teaspoon Penzey's Mitchell Street Steak Seasoning (Old Bay is a close equivalent of spicy and savory) a pinch of crushed red pepper, and a small dash of salt and pepper.

Fry up about 7 pieces of Amish or thick cut bacon. (The Amish bacon, if you can find it, is generally less fatty, and fries up in thicker, bigger pieces).

Remove bacon to a paper towel to drain, and roughly chop into small pieces, set aside..

In your fry pan, pour off all but 3 tablespoons of bacon grease (if you can't eyeball it, pour off to measure but leave the browned bits in the pan).

If you have less than 3 Tablespoons of bacon drippings, add olive oil to bring it up to that amount.

Add chicken broth to the 3 T. of hot bacon drippings/oil in pan, lowering heat slightly so it doesn't spatter and whisk to deglaze the pan., stirring up the little brown bacon bits. Add the cup of milk/maple syrup mixture from the second coffee mug , whisking frequently over medium heat , just until it comes to a boil.  Reduce heat just slightly to maintain a simmer, and SLOWLY stream in the cornstarch/milk/spice mixture, whisking constantly, and continue to whisk as it bubbles at a simmer for about 7-8 minutes, until thickened. Add another Tablespoon of milk if you wish thinner gravy,

 Add bacon in, stirring to heat bacon and then SERVE IMMEDIATELY. 

Great on chops, tenderloin, chicken, waffles, biscuits.

Bersa .380

There it was, for sale at the gun store, at a price I was really surprised at. I picked it up, liked how it felt in my hand and REALLY liked the price. Certainly there are a lot of small weapons for sale and cheap, but not all are made with good craftsmanship and quality materials. Holding them up, they may look good, but the metals may be poor, zinc or some sort of mystery metal that may be too heavy or too soft, certainly not guns I'd stack up against someone attempting to attack me on a isolated street. I was looking for something for concealed that wasn't just cheap and light, but was made well. Not for a trip to downtown at night, but something small and light that I could carry running errands or in environmental conditions that result in less bulky clothing or as a back up gun.

The gun store owner was quick to point out that this .380 is similar to the Walther PPK/S, including a seven round magazine with a plastic floor plate extension. But I'd just bought a Mark III days prior and passed on the purchase. But after that first fondle, I had a little crush on the Bersa 380. Sure I love the .38 Special, but this one drew me and I added it to my Christmas wish list. Last year my big brother got me a huge stocking completely full of ammo and dark chocolate, so you never know.

I did a little homework. On-line reviewers tend to rate them as reliable, well-built, and strong enough for the average "social situation". There are people that want a gun, but aren't into owning more than one or two, or paying a lot of money. The Bersa might be one of several good gun options in that case. The others, I'm sure my readers can suggest as well.

So I was delighted when my best friend came through and bought me a new one for Christmas, giving it to me early so I could enjoy while my favorite outdoor range is still open. Oh boy! Gun gifts! Out of the box I could see quality. The finish was very well done, in a matte blue with accents of satin nickle. The finish on the steel slide didn't vary from the tones and finish of the matte black alloy frame and the black composite grips. I could add fancier grips to them. Breda has some wooden grips on her Bersa that are beautiful, but this is going to be a all purpose gun, not my primary carry, so I don't know if I'll put any money into it.

The barrel length is 3 and a half inches, and it weighed in at 20 ounces (much lighter than the oft compared 9x18 Makarov). It's only 1.34 inches wide, which was a draw for me. With the right holster, this fits so snug into my body that I can wear something other than the giant arctic weight Carhart (which they only seem to make in overly large "abominable snowman" sizes) I wore to the outdoor range.

These are the things one must consider if buying a gun strictly for the purpose of CCW - weight, bulkiness, recoil, grip, hand fit and always the caliber. Small and light you WILL have less stopping power, but it is easier to conceal. Better small and light than a choice of NO concealed protection because of what you are wearing or the temperature. A .380 in the pocket is better than a .45 in your nightstand when you are facing someone with a knife as you get into your car in an isolated parking lot.

It also has some quite a few features for the price - manual safety and decocker lever, an internal locking system (not my choice feature but some people need one), a Rowel type hammer, seven shot magazine with extended finger rest, and white-dot windage-adjustable sights. This Bersa has a hammer drop thumb safety that blocks the firing pin and also a magazine safety to prevent accidental firing with the magazine removed from the gun (if you are someone that looks for that). My Thunder 380 also featured an extended slide release and a thumb operated magazine release button, that even with my fairly large size hand (for a girl) was easy to use without awkward reach.

The trigger was really nice, with a hooked and grooved trigger guard, for those who prefer to place a finger in that position. The DA pull is long, but relatively smooth and light. All in all, a very smooth double action trigger as nice as I've seen on guns costing three times as much. The single-action pull would not match that of a finely tuned 1911, but it broke clean and better than I expected. Slide to frame fit was very good. The thumb safety (as seen in the second photo) was easy to use, and works as a dropping lever as well. Down is safe and up being fire (with a small red dot that's exposed when the gun is "hot" as an additional visual clue, albeit a small one). This safety type is just like the Walter PP-series and some other guns like the Beretta 92.

Now of course, there will be people stating that the .380 ACP is just too underpowered. Certainly the .380 isn't my first choice for conceal, but it's a decent choice in some situations. Certainly Fall and Winter, where I can wear a vest or bulky sweater, my .45's are easier to hide. There are times when I'm not traveling somewhere where I need a need a .45 (running to the corner farm supply store for Barkley chow) and there are times with temperature, clothing and environment, the .45 just isn't practical.

The Bersa is easy to conceal with it's relative flat profile. I also like the fact that I can carry it in my Galco holster, snug to my body, hammer down, and one in the chamber, ready to use. The thumb safety/hammer drop left or right handed safety gives that little extra measure of protection if you need or want it. Wearing this close and tight to my body, I'm really not comfy with a single action hammerless pistol with one in the chamber and if I need it, I do NOT want to have to jack the slide to be safe.

Inexpensive, light and good quality. Bersa has got that covered. But we need to talk about what is REALLY important. Reliability -

Simply put, I don't care how pretty it is, or how well it fits under my black silk shirt, I want a gun that goes "BANG" when I tell it to, and will cycle properly for the next shot. As they say, in a gun fight there IS no second place. This is the area where, compared to my little snubby, I had some concerns. Auto pistols are much more finicky, especially small ones like the .380s. The problems are not private -feed ramps that resist some bullets sliding up them into the chamber; extraction and ejection issues, (i.e. the "stovepipe” jam), and underpowered or "dud" rounds that fail to cycle the action.

It may not be a big deal if a small auto balks occasionally when the target is tin cans or some harmless clown. When it’s an armed criminal, OBT (Occasional Bullet Disfunction) can’t be tolerated. Both the small .38 and the .380 are normally selected for close-range defense in the gravest extreme. These guns aren't usually purchased for sporting but for self defense.

So how did it do? Outdoor range. It was cold, I could see my breath after each shot, and yes my hands were cold. I had gloves but decided to shoot without to see how I did. One shouldn't always practice when it's warm, dry and sunny out. Usually on those days, the bad guys are sunning themselves on their rocks anyway. No, you will likely use your weapon when the lighting is poor, and it's nasty and cold. So an occasional shoot, if you're not fighting a cold or sinus thing, on a cold snowy day is ideal.

My first magazine, I shot off quick and from low ready. Succession was fast - bang bang bang bang bang bang bang (and I could have added one more bang had I put one round in the chamber to add to the 7 in the magazine, but I didn't). I like a pistol where I can see the sights quickly with speed. This is a gun that may mis-fire if you "limp wrist" it so a firm grip is important.
Any of those shots should have stopped him, certainly, and for a first shoot I was pleased. For a three and half inch barrel, the accuracy in the "hot zone", at a 20-30 foot distance, was great and was quite controllable with quick firing.

Felt recoil is subjective. I thought this more a "mid size" than a tiny pocket pistol and the recoil was minimal to the point I didn't even notice; in part due to the textured surface and shape of the grip panels as well as grooved forward and aft surfaces of the frame. The recoil of the slide causes a push back thrust to the hand, which results in almost no muzzle jump. It was also more comfortable than the Walter PP .380 as it didn't try and bite me with both the hammer and slide.


I got my first mis-feed at 15o rounds. I was trying various bullets. First, some Winchester, then some Silvertips, which it ate up like biscuits and gravy. The feed angle is almost straight in, which enables the weapon to feed the best hollow point you want to get for it. However it did NOT like the truncated cone bullets (hand loads, Hornady XTO bullets). It did not feed them well, and I had a mis-feed on about 4 of the 40 I fired. NOT acceptable for a concealed piece. But I believe that was an ammo issue, NOT a gun issue, as all other ammo feed and ejected smoothly and I fired almost 200 rounds of several varieties. So I'll make sure there's some good Silvertips on hand when I carry, or some Cor-Bon 90 grain jacked hollow point. This is a caliber that if carrying for anything other than plinking, you need to choose your ammunition VERY wisely.

All in all, I think I'd fire another 150 rounds of good ammo through it before I'd give it a complete thumbs up for small auto reliability, but it was very good overall, feeding, firing and ejecting anything other than the those truncated rounds. Any gun can fail on rare occasions. A grain of unburned powder stuck under the extractor star can prevent fully closing the cylinder, and a cartridge case can get stuck under the extended extractor. Things happen, but I want the odds definitely stacked in my favor and won't carry something CCW that hasn't had about 300 rounds through it and been cleaned and lubed a few times. This was cleaned and lubed before first fire, but I found it was going a bit dry at the end and made sure it got a good servicing when I was done. As they say, "how much lube do guns need?". . . and the answer is "more".

Cleaning it was a snap. Just to remind you, unlike my Sig which is a locked breach, the Bersa is a "blow back" operated pistol. These typically get dirtier on firing because the action often opens before pressure is completely dropped in the barrel. There is no other mechanical locking system as on more powerful weapons such as the 9mm, .38 Super, or .45 ACP. This makes it possible to produce and sell 380-caliber pistols a bit cheaper than for an equivalent quality 9mm. However it also means some unspent powder and fouling can accumulate in the action. So cleaning it after each shoot is vital.

Good thing it's so easy to do. The take down lever is located and easy to get to on the lower front of the frame. It's spring-loaded and must be held down while retracting the slide in order to move it for cleaning. I found that if I used my right index finger on the lever and my left hand to work the slide back and up to release it took no real physical strength to get it apart. After cleaning, I checked the frame and slide for undue wear or scratches. The slide-to-frame fit remained very good and no undue wear was noted, still smooth and tight, just a couple small spots where in the future I might give a tiny "fluff and buff" with some very (800 grit) sandpaper and just gingerly smooth those spots out. I DO NOT recommend you do this without experience however and most guns will not need it.

To sum up -this would not be my first choice for concealed, but it would be my first choice for a inexpensive, smaller caliber gun, one that conceals well and definitely my first choice in a .380. Certainly, after just one outing in the snow with it, I was looking to join the ranks of those who love their Bersas. This of course, is not the "perfect" small gun, but it's something that hides well, shoots well and is inexpensive enough that your spouse won't go "you bought another what??? It's a gun that can take the day in and day out beating of constant carry in warm weather.


In the end though, this is more than being about size or economics or being the envy of the neighborhood. It is, as J.R.R. Tolkien said - "I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend. (The Two Towers)

My Bersa may be small, but already I love it. Joined with the right ammo, it's a light, compact, lethal weapon that I can conceal so easily that it can always be with me, ready to defend.