Monday, March 7, 2011

A HOTR First - A Guest Post from my Dad


When I was home last time Dad gave me a hand typed piece of paper with a long but funny story on it. I don't know if he wrote it or got it from a friend but he said "so do you think you could craft this into a post?"

I'm on the road for at least a week. This is a good time. So Dad, here is your story, HOTR style.

The picture above is my Dad, who turned 90 a few months after this photo was taken. Born in Helena MT, he went off to serve in WWII as a Captain out of the U of Montana. He came back to Montana, married his high school sweetheart and settled in. Adopted me and my redheaded brother when his friends were having grandchildren. He still drives, still plays golf though he had to start using a cart. He still considers himself a native Montanan, even after all the folks from Hollywood moved up here and built houses the size of Vermont.

He is also working hard to teach Barkley to stay off of the loveseat. . . .

uh. . Dad???

So, a Home on the Range First, while I'm busy, with a little help from my Dad.

September 14, 2010 - Moved to our new home up north in Montana. It is so beautiful here. The mountains are so serene and picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them with a covering of snow. God’s country. I love it here.

October 14 - Montana is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shares of red and orange. Went for a ride through some beautiful mountains and spotted some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.

November 11 - Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such elegant creatures. The very symbols of peace and tranquility. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here.

December 1 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snow plow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother nature in perfect harmony. I love Montana.

December 12 - More snow last night. I love it. The snow plow did his trick again (the little rascal) A winter wonderland. I love it here.

December 19 - More snow last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I’m exhausted from shoveling. I need a snow plow.

December 22 - “White Christmas” my busted butt. More of that friggin snow. If I ever get my hands on that son of a *(#&@ who drives the snow plow, I swear I’ll castrate the moron. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt to melt the (#)@& ice,

December 28 - More white crap last night. Been inside since Christmas Day except for shoveling out of the driveway after “Osama Bin Snowplow” comes by every time. Can’t go anywhere; car’s buried in a mountain of white. The weather man says to expect another 10 inches of this *(#* tonight. Do you know how many shovelfuls of snow that is?

January 1 - Happt F--- New Year, The weatherman was wrong (again). We got 31 inches of the white crap this time. At this rate it won’t melt until July 4th. The snow plow got stuck up the road and the dumbass driver had the balls to come to the door to borrow my shovel. I told him I’d broken six shovels already from shoveling the crap he’s pushed into my driveway. I broke the last one over his head.

January 4 - Finally got out of the house today. I went to the store to get food and on the way back, a damn deer ran out in front of the car and I hit the little bastard. Did $4000 damage to the car. Those ()#*@ beasts are a menace. Wish the hunters had killed then all last November.

March 8 - Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rotting out from the *(#*@ ice they keep dumping g all over the road? Car looks like a piece of *(#(.

June 1 - Packed up and moved to Arizona. I can’t imagine anyone in their friggin right mind would ever want to live in that God-forsaken state of Montana

- Love, Dad

29 comments:

  1. LOL! Great guest post! Don't have the snow problems here south of the "Sweet Iced Tea Line". Perhaps move?

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  2. Oh snap! I have a red Mustang, pretend I was never here!

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  3. Laughing so hard by Dec. 22 I almost got choked..Thanks for the post. (BTW Your dad is doing a great job keeping Barkley off the seat :-)

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  4. Great Dad Post. Two good looking guys in that love seat.
    Safe trip from another Daddy's girl.

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  5. Great post, so true, delicately put, and descriptive.
    I've lived in Wisconsin, Utah, and Idaho. Moved back to Western Washington; forgot it snows and freezes here too, let alone the cold wet rain running down the back of your pants.

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  6. Hi, Dad!
    Very pleased to meet you!
    You've raised a fine young lady, sir.

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  7. ROFL! That was too dang funny. Reminded me of how I felt after a few weeks away at college out near Lake Erie.

    -Raptor

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  8. Snow, still got plenty of that. Want some?
    Ah yes, deer and other creatures; they keep us humble about becoming proud of how nice our cars look. Get too proud of the shiny new car and it is almost guaranteed to be followed by a big crunch - thumpa, thumpa. Hello, insurance company - no you can't give the bill to the guilty party. It committed suicide - so pay up.
    First was the pretty, new to me - but used Honda civic. Had it for one month then it swallowed a 35# raccoon at 65 mph, thankfully smashing the AC side rather than the radiator. It drove alright after repairs, but the headlights were aimed much lower than before.
    The other was a small buck vs. small SUV. A smart old doe really did ditch her date in traffic.

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  9. Hi Dad! Great post!

    Brigid has told us all she was absolute angel while growing up. Now, how about the REAL story?

    :)

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  10. Nice picture of a very contented dog. Looks like your Dad knows how to properly pet a dog.

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  11. Great post. And that sounds about right. Day 2 "Oh look at all the pretty deer in my yard" Day 40"The #@$%^&$ deer ate my flowers and crapped all over our yard, again!"

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  12. Havent seen that one in a while. Some one gave me a similar one when I moved to Michigan. Funny! Keep up the great Blogging.

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  13. This makes me smile. Enjoy your times with him - he sounds like quite a man.

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  14. ROTFLMAO!!!!!!

    That was absolutely priceless!

    Bob
    III

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  15. Obviously, your dad has Barkley under control. They look so afraid of each other. Terrific post! As Tango Juliet said, let's hear from him about you!

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  16. Adopted or not, looks like you come by your sense of humor honestly. Hopefully it wont take another 90 years for your Dad to post a good joke on your site.

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  17. Now THAT is hillarious!!! I'm sitting in my CHU (Compact Housing Unit) in Iraq, slobbering all over my laptop as I laugh till my sides hurt! I am so greatful that I stumbled upon your blog almost two years ago. The entertainment, words of wisdom and gun talk never end. And from a true Woman's perspective. It is admirable.

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  18. I laughed, and then my wife laughed and then I read it to my Schnoxer Pete and he laughed. Pete is an A.L.F. boxer/schnauzer mix and has a great sense of humor.My friend Tucker built a cabin in the Garnet Mountains of Montana so I forwarded the post to him. Good stuff from your dad. Hope to see more stories of his life.

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  19. bwahahah...I love Dad! He rocks! I hope we see more of his guest posts

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  20. And I echo his sentiments completely! :-)

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  21. Tell your Dad thanks for the good laugh.

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  22. Well it's not as much as Montana, but I have to say the same sentiment applies in Wisconsin.

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  23. One man's Montana is another man's Arizona...

    Thanks to you and you dad, Brigid!

    Dann in Ohio

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  24. I was born and raised in Montana. Then I went to college in Texas, then went to grad school in Texas, and then married a Texan.

    I miss the snow, especially at Christmas. I would shovel all the snow Montana could drop on me, if I didn't have to put up with Texas summers anymore. Unfortunately, the hubby is more in line with your dad, and I can't get him to move north to God's country.

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  25. misbeHaven - it was meant as a joke. Dad moved to Washington where my brothers live, but still owns a house in Montana. Don't think he'd like the desert. Hopefully you will get to visit often, I always enjoy it when I do.

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  26. An oldie but a goodie- still makes me laugh. Thank your dad for me, please.

    Oh, dear, who put the editor's hat on me? "*(#*@ ice" for 8 March probably should be "*(#*@ salt".

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I started this blog so the child I gave up for adoption could get to know me, and in turn, her children, as well as share stories for a family that lives too far away. So please keep it friendly and kid safe. Posts that are only a link or include an ad for an unknown business automatically to to SPAM..