Breakfast at the Range Musings - Food, Pants and a Clown named Ronald.

On the drive home that takes me through the Western edge of the city on the freeway, I'm assaulted by billboards of a new breakfast sandwich from Burger King that looks suspiciously like a McDonalds Egg McMuffin. Then there's the McDonalds billboards which are annoying by their own merit, having seemingly replaced Ronald McDonald with a marketing campaign aimed at young gang members who wear pants that drag around their ankles. "I'm Lovin It'. No, I'm hatin' it.

Maybe I'm getting old. Tam called someone a "nice young man" recently and Shooty Buddy countered with finding someone at her quilting circle for the lad. Heh! At least that young man didn't wear those giant pants that you see on all the gangmember wanna be's. Come on, I'm not the only person over the age of (cough, cough) out here who wonders about those pants. Pants that Ronald McDonald would refuse to wear because they are silly. Pants that you could fit two teenagers in and still have room for a bass boat. They wear them so low, the waist is at the knee level and the pant's butt is dragging on the ground. Certainly not the wear for the effective criminal because you wouldn't be able to flee with any degree of velocity.

I see them in the city, I see them at some of the indoor ranges. Son, didn't your Mama teach you ANYTHING about muzzle control???

Then, I wondered as I continued to ponder breakfast. How do they BUY those pants" Do they take along the Loser from the "Biggest Loser", or a mature Kodiak bear and then buy pants that fit HIM?

" What you lookin at Sucka?".

But I digress, this is about breakfast sandwiches, not my rapidly aging fashion sense. So I'm not a fan of McDonalds, definitely not a fan of Burger King . Though I've been known to meet in secret places for a romp in the front seat of my truck with a Qdoba burrito.

I don't want to go out quite yet. But after totally skipping dinner last night, I was HUNGRY. I want something smoky, meaty and cheesy. Something made in an immaculate kitchen by someone who is not wearing dreadlocks. (Though bed hair is coming close this morning). Namely - me.

Smokey Pork Burger with Chipotle and Bacon (serves one)

1/4 lb. ground pork, don't worry about "lean", this isn't a breakfast for your health

1 slice bacon (cooked)

1/2 clove garlic, forced against its will through a garlic press

1/2 teaspoon chipotle in adobe, plus 1/4 teaspoon of the adobo sauce (another recipe will be up this week for the remainder of the can, found in the Latin food section of many markets).

Slice of a large tomatilla (rinsed and husked). I don't like raw tomatoes or anything resembling them normally but this adds a crisp tartness that will wake up the sandwich

1 slice Muenster cheese

Slice of Avocado

A couple of sprigs of Cilantro

Mix pork, chipotle and sauce, all but a tiny dab of the garlic, and a dash of salt. Form into a patty. Grill patty covered about 4 minutes, Flip and top with bacon slice, cut up into a couple strips, cheese, and cook 1 or 2 minutes more, until cooked through. (Note: you can do this on stove in oiled pan on medium heat).

Stir tiny remainder of garlic into a tablespoons of Mayo. Spread mayo on toasted bun, top with pork, tomatilla, avocado and cilantro.

Then gather your gear and head out to tell a clown what you think of him. But don't worry about your pants, for some strange reason they don't seem to be sagging much.