Well maybe for some . . . .
But Paintball Deathmatch sounds like a good time to me!
(h/t to Mrs. O for sending the photo).
My colleagues at work, who are among those I shoot with, are all married. I count among my "single" friends only a couple of people.
One of the maybe two females in the facility, once quite concerned that I showed no desire to get married or start knitting baby booties (that ship has sailed folks) gave me an article on the perfect date night and then tried to fix me up with her cousin the vegan shuffleboard pro (or something like that). I tried to explain that I only date shooters, as that whole interspecies thing never works out.
But I did get a big laugh over the article on what the author thinks every woman wants on a first date. I think every one of us that's single has read articles like that, or had friends tell us the same thing.
So I bring you "Brigid's Dating Guide for the Clueless".
(1) Rent a uber-fancy car and drive around like you actually own it. (a) If you look like you spent $80,000 on your wheels but your only gun is a .22 rimfire you are SO not getting a second date. and (b) Think of all the ammo you could have bought with the $1000 you spent on the Ferrari that so did NOT impress me. Think about it while you go home alone.
(2) Rent a chick flick and buy chocolate. Chocolate's OK but I'd rather watch "Top Gear". This is NOT going to work. Here's the conversations I have with MY female friends about "girly things".
Brigid- Try this new herbal body lotion, it warms the skin and relaxes you.
Best Girl Friend - if I wanted a "warming sensation" I'd blow something up.
See what I mean?
(3) Sample International Cuisine at a Street Fair - have you SEEN the food at a street fair? Unless you have a large dose of Pepto in your purse, this is one to miss.
(4) Pick up two snack packs of KFC and go to the funny car trials. Are you kidding me? The snack packs do NOT have enough biscuits.
(5) Drive out to a country setting and snuggle with your date under the stars. Watch your date carried off by pitchfork wielding lunatics.
(6) Cook for your date. If you can cook, great. If you can't, do NOT attempt to heat up two "Lean Cuisine" entrees and serve on two plates or your date WILL ask for seconds. Or your head on a platter.(7) One word. Yatzee. No.
(8) Find a quaint old bridge and walk across it late at night. Picture downtown Indy late at night. Canal. Meeting that crackhead who wants to toss you into the water after steeling your wallet. Viva la romance!
(9). Bring your date over to your home to meet your family. Watch videos of the woman who dumped you. Cry. (yes, this was an actual date once).
(10). Grab the mountain bikes and hit the trail (you're getting warmer).
(11) Take her to Cabelas to fondle 1911's. (She may want to go home and fondle yours).
(12). Invite her to your gun range. Introduce her to your friends as a fellow shooter, not "babe", "honey" or "your name was??" Buy her a zombie target and take her out for a frosty beverage after. Take her home and try and get into her old brass, which you will take home and polish for her to reload to bring back to date #2. Offering to do so is sweet and thoughtful, like carrying her books to school, only 'splody.
Being old fashioned never hurts gentlemen. :-)
42 comments:
YES!!
Maybe so, but us nice guys never seem to get a second date... sigh... :-(
Great list and good advice. ;)
"I only date shooters, that whole interspecies thing never works out."
I am so glad I took a break from reloading some .380's to read this! This is it in a nutshell.
If it gets that far and I finally open the door to the front bedroom in the house with the gun workbench and reloading press it usually goes bad!
@Old NFO- I feel your pain!
Jim - how many years have I known you?
You're a prize, and someone will figure that out one of these days.
Shannon - sorry, not too phone chatty tonight, VERY tired after two days back at work. I'll talk to you in the morning.
If only my wife liked going to Cabela's to fondle 1911's... but thankfully has no problem if I bring any home...
My first date with Mrs Crucis was to a car-wash (fund raiser type.) Needless to say, no one stayed dry.
Anyone here read Harlan Ellison's account of his (never aired) appearance on "The Dating Game"?
Forget the bridge. Indy has a Fry's.
A bag of potatoes and apples. A slingshot ten feet high. A Shotgun and a couple boxes of shells. A couple cans of chunk pineapple, a package of bamboo skewers, and a can of Hersheys' Syrup to dip them in. A huge inflatable bouncer, delivered and set up in the woods with a long extension cord. A couple bags of jerky, a couple beverages, and a C02 fire extinguisher to cool them with.
And then paintball.
I hope you get to feeling better so that we can do #12 soon.
Though I've come to realize that you're reloading bench is much better equipped than mine. :-)
og - we all have the MOST fun don't we. When's deer season starting again? What's camp without a few skewers and an extinguisher or two?
CO2 extinguishers are fantastic! I was taught a long time ago that they were the best way to pop a Plexiglas window on an aircraft for rescue. Hose one down, and then have at with the Ax! They do make really good beer coolers to!
This post is so full of Win that it's in danger of collapsing into a Black Hole of Win.
"It's like carrying her books to school, only 'splody." Heh.
Like my rimfire, have inside to Cabela's, no firing range, sight in on prairie doggies, love trap and can sit at front door and plink.
hum now where is she that flies off to the bistro in the Queen Air, rattles the sabres and has hounds.
then there is always the tree of dates, one at a time with the .22.
Loved your list ... go get-em
I remember Harlan Ellison's perfect date - that's the first thing I thought of when I read this post. It was something like:
I'll pick you up in a stretch limousine. I'll be wearing a tuxedo, and you your favorite evening gown. We'll have a picnic basket catered by the best gourmet restaurant in town, a bottle of the finest champagne, and I'll bring a lovely corsage for you. I'll also bring two nickel-plated .22 pistols with ivory grips. We'll go to the city dump, eat our picnic lunch, drink our champagne, and shoot rats.
I always said the secret to a good marriage is marrying a woman who likes guns and motorcycles as much or more than you do. But we do argue... Ruger SR-556 or Bushmaster, Springfield 45 XD-M or ....
Dann
Your list reminds me of one of the early dates I had with The Queen. First stop, gun range for a session of full auto MP5. Next stop, go kart racing. There was a meal in there somewhere I'm sure.
Will you marry me?
I know we've never met and all, but we can work around that. ;)
"Date"? What is this "date" you speak of?
I have to say, though, that I love your list. It works for me!
Brigid,
Would it be possible to entice you into having seminars for females in the 20-30 age range?
That post had so many double entendres that I lost count.
*laughs*
Good post, Brigid.
Absolute coolness and groovitude!
"It's like carrying her books to school, only 'splody." That's the best line EVAR!
Old NFO - the 5 cruelest words in the English language "You're a nice guy, but..."
Gawd, Brigid, you won't be any help to the cougars. They're all looking for vapid youngbodies. Focus on 40-somethings who have actually figured out that bad boys are not a long-term proposition, and that a self-sufficient, independent, dirt-under-the-fingernails, "can I help you with that, Lady?" type guy is much more likely to provide stability AND entertainment. ;)
Where were you and your pals when I was trying to get a a date?
Geez.
I swear to god the hardest part of dating inthe late 20th/21st century is meeting the right social set.
I must be sending out the wrong signals.
The first time my wife-to-be came in my apartment, I told her "This is my kitchen. Stay out of my kitchen." And, I then made her a very nice meal. I've mellowed over time, and allow her in the kitchen a couple of times a week now.
But, I also taught her to shoot (I wish she would stop stealing my firearms and claiming them as hers). And, she can rebuild a Camaro.
(Sigh)
...and the reason we didn't meet 30 years ago is...
PLUS, you're Celtic!
(sigh)
God bless.
Shy III
Going to the gym wasn't in there...
;)
Marty - I wasn't aiming for the cougars but the cougar handlers. I think I know one of those :-)
Just remember IF attacked by a cougar, those important tips.
(1) Drop and Roll
or
(2) Sacrifice a friend (hey, Bill there just got a new BMW, gotta go!)
Shy Wolf - 30 years ago my Dad was still sitting on the porch with his shotgun and the giant motion sensor flood lights in the driveway for when a date brought me home.
Anon - some people just can't be alone, and will jump from one relationship into the nearest hot tub. There's nothing wrong with waiting for the right one. But you're likely going to happen upon them without any sort of planning.
That's HILARIOUS! Rock on! One of my first "dates" was to go shoot prairie dogs. I kicked his butt :)
I gave my wife an -06 for our first Valentines Day. Mule deer in Utah and whitetails in Maine, "I'm going and would like you to join me". She was genuinely happy, I knew she was a keeper. Her friends on the other hand, they still think she's crazy for being with a guy like me.
Scott
I like lederhosen though.....
"...Offering to do so is sweet and thoughtful, like carrying her books to school, only 'splody."
ROARING WITH LAUGHTER!
"Being old fashioned never hurts gentlemen. :-)"
so true.
Marriage? Dating? Ummmm, this
one is going on 26 years, and if it
doesn't work, well that's all she wrote!
Good post Brigid.
B.--
I can do the funny car thing, the chicken and biscuits, and the gun and ammo thing, but that's about it.
Will that do?
And will you meet me this Saturday? lol
T.
The first "real" date with my bride was a trip to the range... she suggested it! After we married (what, you think I was gonna let her go?) she proceeded to "steal" my Hi-Power, and this was after I bought her an XD 9mm, and a Kahr P9!
Brigid, I missed you! (My bad, not yours). I've been paddling like a baby duck being flushed down a toilet bowl. Just too darn busy.
Thoroughly enjoyed the post, especially the "interspecies" comment. It's not just hard to find boyfriends w/ common interests (thankfully I've already got my Honey), but girlfriends, too. Most folks like to talk about doing things (like cooking) instead of actually getting dirty and doing it. Such is life.
I hope you're having good summer.
So, "Would you like to see my Python" would be a bad pickup line?
I've finally got one, the paperwork in Canada was/is a nightmare.
As for being a shooter here in liberal loony land, you can imagine the meager dating opportunities this presents.
there are not enough woman like you iv been lookin for years
I love y'all...you're my kinda people -- especially Brigid.
Our first date was when he asked me to go up in the Huachuca mountains and shoot his freon-powered machine BB pistol. I was thrilled right down to my trigger fingers (yeah, I can shoot with either hand). We took my pickup.
We've been married nearly 34 years. He's improved from a sedan to an SUV; I'm still the pickup truck lady.
Going to Cabela's is a religious experience. There's a crossbow there with my name on it, I know it.
I already know my next birthday present is a pump shootsgun, so he won't have to share his...
Such men as these are still out there, ladies. Start by meeting a few soldiers. Shoot, join up yourself. I did. If you're beyond that age range, find a retired soldier or marine.
I know a couple of single ones...
Regan - good advice.
I'm not looking, my heart is kinda of wrapped up in someone. We'll see how life goes, as it is I'm having a ball.
"I only date shooters, as that whole interspecies thing never works out."
I'll have to remember that in the event that someone asks me if I do rishathra. :P
Ma'am that was a brilliant post. I cackled and guffawed.
I met my ex on a shooting range, we had five years of fine wine, fine food and fine firearms before we finally parted company.
Shooters are definitely a different version of Hominid.
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