You have all seen the magazines at the grocery store, most of which have the oxymoron of articles."Lose Weight NOW. Our easy Lutefisk diet."
and "20 cheesecake recipes."
And of course
"100 tips to turn your man into a sissified wienie."
followed by
"Where have all the real men gone?"
See why I don't like them?
And of course, there was always the monthly Cosmo "Quiz".
What does your man do after lovemaking?
(1) Whisper sweet nothing in your ear while
showering you with rose petals
- 10 points
(2) Roll over and go to sleep - 4 points
(3) untie you - 1 point.
(1) Whisper sweet nothing in your ear while
showering you with rose petals
- 10 points
(2) Roll over and go to sleep - 4 points
(3) untie you - 1 point.
But I have to admit, in my youth, I picked up more than one "Cosmo" with the inevitable overly primered, airbrushed, and shellacked model on the cover, telling me and all my friends, THAT was what men wanted.
But, like those of us that sneak covert glances at the tabloids while waiting in line (Hillary meets with space aliens) I quickly discarded that particular shame based guilt. Seriously? the Cosmo girl?
Look anyone can do that. Take the girl next door. Cleavage, airbrushing. . and
CAMO???
See?But for tonight, a few reasons while I will always be the girl next girl WITH the deer stand and NOT the Cosmo girl.
Why'd I rather be a hunter than a Cosmo Girl.
I don't have to decide between 50 pairs of shoes.
Two fragrance choices - dirt or Tinks.
I don't drive to another tree to pee because this one is just too "icky".
People I'm around tell me the truth.
I can clean my fingernails with a Gerber knife.
The whole trip only needs one suitcase.
No public bra strap problems.
No one cares if I shaved my legs.
The people I'm with, I trust, as my back up, guarding my life, and most importantly, keeping an eye on the crock-pot.
"Sleeping bag hair" is the norm.I can buy "protective gear" without the clerk imagining me naked.
When you drop in on other hunting parties you don't have to
bring a little "gift".
If I want to adjust "the girls" in the stand, no one is going to stare at me.
I can buy all the clothes I need in one store in 25 minutes.
Hunting boots don't cut, blister, or mutilate my feet.
Even if I don't score, I don't sit home weeping over my Yogurt.
If I retain water, it's in a canteen.No one counts Weight Watchers "Points" of the Backstrap and Beer.
No worry about mascara smearing, I'm not wearing any.
The occasional tree stand belch is expected.
When I'm showing off my "156 on the Boone and Crockett non-typical" they're looking at HIS rack.
You will NEVER hear Michael Bolton in the woods.
I can kill my own dinner.
One mood all the time - sheer happiness
What are you gawking at? Whitetail season is only a few months away. Start planning that trip. And if you haven't before, take the lady you love with you. She might surprise you.
Love,
Brigid
35 comments:
Cleavage and Cammo. Now that would make any man's heart thump...loudly.
MikeyB
Very good indeed.
Coupla years ago, one of the wives shot the best deer in camp while she was squatting for a pee. Had to hitch herself up before she gutted it, though. True story. It was a dogging hunt, and he just came bounding by while she was getting rid of the morning coffee.
Next year, seemed everbody wanted her to come pee on their stand...
What airbrushing? and "they're looking at HIS rack." Are you so sure about that? :-)
Good one!
Another classic post, hitting all the right notes. Indeed, after including cleavage & camo, how could you go wrong?
And before anyone makes it a point, I minister to red-blooded humans, not castrati. Of course we notice; we just try not to stare.
Brigid,
Now I know why I don't get any points!!!!! I forget to untie them!
SWModel66
I was going to say, you've got a nice set of... furniture on that shotgun, dark finish, checkered grip...
The fair-skinned, redhead I'm married to would also say there is no need worry about tan lines (or sun burn) or even wrinkles around the eyes when you're in the woods...
Dann in Ohio
Excellent post, Brigid! My former mother-in-law thought a subscription to "Glamour" magazine was an excellent Christmas present for me, the stay-at-home mother of three! Talk about developing an inferiority complex!
After about three-four years of this, I finally got the nerve to tell her that I didn't like the magazine. She just didn't get it.
I get to go on my first deer hunt if I make it down to whitetail country in time this year! I'm highly excited, because I may not be able to carry moose quarters to the boat out in time to avoid the bear taking a share up here, but the Lower 48 has roads, and lack o' brown bear, and smaller tasty ungulates!
Cleavage, Camo...and CAKE - look out world!
Are you familiar with the works of William Cobbett? Some of his writing still strikes a chord, to this day.
In 'Cottage Economies', he says something like (my copy is on loan) 'do you want a young woman with painted face hiding the pox,eye-catching shoes in which she cannot walk a mile, and shoddy clothes that will wear out even before the cheap dye runs in the first shower, or a sensible farm girl, clear skin glowing from a five-mile walk, dry-shod and warmly dressed, ready to be your helpmeet in good times or bad.'
I have to confess, there were times in my youth when I went for the painted face and shoddy clothes! But we live and learn.
I think you and Mr. Cobbett would have got on.
Best wishes.
I've got to admit, camo and cleavage is an irresistible combo for me! You are an awesome writer and an awesome Lady hunter! Now that's a combo extraordinaire!
My Girlfriend and I just attended "America's gun Show" in Chantilly Va. . She said it was the only place she had ever been were she felt as if she could walk through the entire event NAKED , and no one would notice ! smibsid : )
Nothing more beautiful than a woman in camo, who also bears the fragrance of Hoppes #9.
Christina - Glamour. On my. :-)
Mr. Wolf - another writer to discover. We all live and learn, myself, drawn to the aloof, angry bad boy so long ago. As we sometimes say now "What WAS I thinking?"
Shannon - speaking of cake a new recipe to try out coming up this week.
SWModel66 - I am SO not going to touch that. hehe. Tell Oleg Happy Birthday from me.
I'm curious. Did you know what the visual impact of 3-4 cm of cleavage, a whisp of read hair, freckled porcelain skin, camo, and a gun would have or, were you totally clueless? If you were that's so awesome. Also wrong about the store clerk.
I always love coming to your site. You tell it like it is and put a smile on my face everytime! And on top of that, you own a Black Lab! That's the only dog in the world!!!
My wife used to enjoy going out to the ranch when we had access to the family cabin, but one thing she hates is having to go Out There (especially at night) for restroom breaks.
Anon 4:22, my wife said much the same about a trip to a Cabelas or Bass Pro Shop. The only places she noticed men walking around who were genuinely happy, content and not pre-occupied with children's antics.
She's got a point.
Brigid, I wouldn't be so sure about the imagining you naked thing....men tend to do this with every beautiful woman. I believe its hard coded in our brains. Just those men with good taste and manners don't do it in an obvious or rude way. :)
"I can buy "protective gear" without the clerk imagining me naked."
I have to agree with Island Bob. If the clerk is male, there's a 90% chance he's imagining you naked. The other 10% are either gay or VERY happily married.
Cleavage and camo is always a winning combination. So is deer hunting and being able to field dress your own deer.
Great post!!!
RB
Amen sista... The mascara comment made me laugh, I hate wearing that stuff unless I'm going to some party and I plan on sitting still and looking cute. I'd rather wear camo and a ball cap ANY day! Oh and the covert glances at tabloids? Busted :)
Nothing beats a woman who can kill, clean, butcher, store, and cook her own meals!
I'd rather have that any any airbrushed, surgically augmented porcelain doll any day!
Tell me do you have a Camo Swimsuit or Two Piece by any chance?
Thanks for another great one, Brigid!
I take my beloved to range a lot, but she's just not into camping, or I suspect, hunting.
We *have* gone fishing, though!
My dear Brigid, every man I know looks. If he respects you he will be subtle and sensitive enough to do it in a way that you will not leave you feeling "ogled", "gawked" or "threatened" but I assure you, he is looking. We are wired to look and if we don't, somethings broken. As we age we learn to be less obvious and some even master the art of appearing disinterested, but don't be fooled by our casual chatter and demeanour. I've been happily married for 31 years and I still HAVE to look. I may not appear to be looking (and that is intententional out of respect for ALL women) but I have, do and will look. Thankfully my wife is not threatened by these casual observations nor do they bother her as she accepts my nature. It doesn't hurt that time has taught her that I do not and will not persue. But look? Yes, we look.
Remember when Helen Gurley Brown was editor of that rag, I like her writing and read a couple of her books. She was a pretty independent woman yet she knw what sold. The glossy slick women reached out and grabbed. Here was the ideal, as they portrayed women, young lady and to strive for an unreal persona.
There were hunters between the covers, no guns, looks, style and fragrance was the bait and the bedroom was the trophy case.
With a little bit of maturity things change and reality sets in.
Love the post..... thanks.
SQUEAL!
that girlishness aside, i really hope you find a way to share MORE of this perspective with all of the young (and old!) women who are so very adrift these days... the (good) men will thank you, too.
really, your country is calling you, beyond the bones and dust and blog, B...
You are first and foremost a hunter. I know this because I looked into your eyes and saw that you felt the animal die. All else is window dressing.
Hey, crockpots are important! I can make even squirrel delicious with one. :-)
Brigid you got me good there "built in floation devises" i have heard them called many things but never that.:-)
w00t! Nothing sexier than a gal in camo!
Hi Brigid! Yes, all is well here despite the opressively hot weather (last two days were 108 and 109 respectively). Just looking forward to finding time where I can to get to know my new little friend better. Its a Springfield Armory .45 1911. Yes, this means I am joining the ranks of the rest of you as a shooter, though I wouldn't put myself in that class yet. I've shot many a shotgut and a few rifles over the years but this is my first HG so...I'm working with a friend who has his own range to learn the ropes and become a responsible and efficient devotee. I plan on taking the conceal and carry class when I am more proficient and with the help of a good friend of my wifes, we even have her interested in learning how to shoot.
On another note, I noticed you are no longer using your old email address. If you are willing I'd appreciate your new address sometime. No pressure though. Have a good one!
Big Cat, that's why God invented sunglasses.
Bridget, on the advantages of wholesome living and down-home girls, there's a sad old Irish tune called the Mountains of Mourne. I think it's the last verse, the one that starts "There's beautiful girls here - Oh, never you mind
With beautiful shapes Nature never designed...".
The humor is as welcome as the lovely essays. Thanks.
As always funny and thoughtful. Keep up the good work.
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