From the archives - HOTR Tool Time

Going to be a couple days before I have a break, so for my tool lovers, or new readers, a blast from the past. .

What do you do when your night stand starts looking like this. . .


The old house is on the market, the pink counter tops gone, some fresh paint to fix some gouges he wall from moving things around, and some updating. It's been slow in the sales market and it looks like I'm going into year two with it on the market, priced for much less than I have in it, let alone what I paid for it.

I thought I'd learned a lot when I bought the Range. Now I"m learning more, but I'll need to as I still plan on building a log home sometime in the next year or so, if this big old place sells without my losing my shirt in the deal. If will be fun.

This has been a year of changes and decisions. A promotion at work which gave me some money for lofty projects, just not the time. Yet I've managed to find a little time to access myself and what skills I had on my own, or could learn. And learn I did.

Home on the Range tool lessons

LIVE SIMPLE. START SIMPLE

A SHOP VAC perhaps. And yes, it WILL suck up a dead mouse, that diamond earring you've been looking for AND an entire Hostess Snowball. But you don't want to.

T0 accompany that, you can add some COMMON FASTENERS which come pre-stripped for easy over torquing.

NOW ADD OUR BASIC SUPPLIES

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off of bolts and other things quick as a wink so when they drop to the floor they are even harder to see. Can also be used on those college era cookie sheets that you really need to throw away.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make things 1/4 inch too short.

ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: Phase one of the detailed process of completely stripping a bolt head. Not to be mistaken for an Adjustable Wench which was popular during Medieval Home Remodeling.

PLIERS: Used to attempt to remove said bolt heads. Can also be used to attempt to pull corkscrew from wine bottle after mangling Roberta X's wine opener. (I told you Tam, we needed C4 on that thing.)
BELT SANDER: When hand sanding is not enough, this handy little electric job can turn the most minor touch up jobs into a complete home finishing project as quick as you can say, a la' George Jetson, "Jane - STOP this crazy thing".

SAW - The Congress of tools, it starts with a good idea and a straight course, then turns every which way due to lack of direction and a tendency to lean to the Left, ending up with something that doesn't even begin to look like the original plan.

VISE-GRIPS: When heated up during any welding project, they make handy branding tools.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: When you thought that setting fire to your kitchen towel was going out of style, get one of these! Useful for lighting any flammable object in your shop on fire in only seconds.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used as a shop trebuchet, to fling hard objects into that wall you just dry walled.

FLOOR LAMPS: When the low/med/high button shorts out to only the 747 landing light position, it can be used to find the wire brushed bolts or interrogate prisoners.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Useful for poking a hole in the top of the brownies to see if they are done. There's a rumor they can be used remove screws but it's only a rumor.

SCRATCH-AWL: Rumored to be good for making a pilot hole for drilling. However, true to its name, when you put it in your tool belt, it scratches ALL, including the wearer.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:A tool for opening large paint cans that you will need after using the belt sander.

WIRE CUTTERS: Common divining rod to determine if electricity is nearby.

HOSE CUTTER:A tool used to make hoses too short (I won't even touch the subject as to why women can't measure).

HAMMER: Occasional tool of violence in places where guns are outlawed. It is well known that the hammer is commonly used in other states to destroy the areas immediately surrounding where you are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Handy for use in cutting open packages from the UPS guy. Works equally as well on refund checks, plastic bottles or small plastic reloading supplies that you really needed. Best left out of the hands of those prone to "packaging rage".
TWEEZERS: Forget those stray eyebrow hairs, this thing can actually remove wood splinters!

PHONE: Tool for calling your shooty buddies for help. Do NOT lose this item.

SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER - my oldest brother restores old cars, so I found this in the toolbox. I'm not sure WHAT it is for, but it will get rid of the Barkley yard landmines from the bottom of your shoe after your made that trek out to the little barn.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: Viagra couldn't make this tool any harder. Harder than any drill bit ever made, it will snap off into bolt holes faster than you can say "hey, what are you doing tonight?"

PRYBAR- useful for that cookie that just does NOT want to let loose from the pan after baking.

TROUBLE LIGHT - What my friends probably call the headlights of my truck as they hit their driveway. The home remodelers very own tanning booth. Sometimes known as a "drop light", from the tendency to drop it on a hard surface and break it one day past its warranty, it's a good source of vitamin D, the sunshine vitamin which will help with S.A.D. as well as that urge to take the pry bar and . . . . Its main purpose however it to consume expensive 40 watt light bulbs at a rate equal or greater than all the .30-06 cartridges used in WW II.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that converts energy produced in a Indiana coal-burning power plant into compressed air that travels to power an impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over-tightened when your Hoosier Grandpa was young and efficiently rounds off their heads.

DUST MASK - useful for drywall or that blind date your well meaning friends set you up with.

The best part? Learning, laughing about those things with those who have been there, be it remodeling, dating or dead mice.

At the end of the day you find out just what you can do with the tools you have and the friends that accept you, despite your imperfections. and the giant mess you seem to make. I found out a lot about my home. I found out a lot about myself. Namely, that I was a lot more blessed than I realized I was.