Friday, February 4, 2011

Static Cling - It's HOTR TMI Time!!

The little home office where the HOTR writing takes place has some nice features, a big desk, nice carpeting and a large gun safe. It also has low humidity. Now add in fuzzy slippers, said low humidity, and skin and metal. Sometimes one gets the occassional light shock after shuffling along the carpet to the light switch.


Picture an evening at home, it's late, Brigid typing away in a thin but comfy little robe and it's time for bed. The room has grown cold. Barkley is asleep, the only thing at attention, the ever faithful Siegfried and Roy, noses alert and ready. (For our new readers, there once was an internet quiz, "what are the names of your breasts", and things went downhill from there.)


It's time for Brigid to to go bed. Shuffle shuffle (insert sound of static electricity building here) shuffle shuffle.


Unfortunately, in passing the gun safe, there was a portion of female anatomy, alert and on watch, that stuck out a bit further than anything else.


Guess what touched the metal gun safe as someone tried to get between it and some boxes of books.


Flash


ZAP !!!


"Son of a *)#*& !!"


If you think a static electricity shock hurts on your finger which has just a few nerve endings. . . . .


Next time. We're wearing a flak vest in here.


Love - Sparky and Roy.

54 comments:

Crustyrusty said...

OW...

Jim said...

You have an admirable gift of innocent candour.

Perhaps there is a decent tailor who could create a nightie with strands of monel wire woven through it to save wear and tear on your delicate bits!

Turk Turon said...

Jim's got the idea. Maybe a bra made of silver Mylar.

Mayberry said...

D'OH!

Borepatch said...

ZAP!

(listen about about 2:06. Life was weird, Back In The Day ...

David said...

There are all type os lightning rods, I suppose...

Joan of Argghh! said...

Yikes! Wait, just. . . ouch!

Having lived in FL all my life until lately, I never knew I'd need a padded foundation garment for the girls to sport in the cold weather. Now I'm extra glad for the protection!

wv:unterest; yes, I'm sure this post will draw plenty of that.

Professor Hale said...

I am not real good with innocent candor. Perhaps you would include some pictures.

Humidifier.

Tango Juliet said...

I believe this is the best case yet made for holsters that keep the trigger covered.

Me said...

This thread is useless without pics. ;-)

The Big Guy said...

Oh.
My.
Gawd.

I think I just peed a little, laughing so hard...

TBG

YeOldFurt said...

Ouch, Ouch, Ouch!!! Never too much information, but that's just OUCH!!
You KNOW all us guys are just dying to say "Can I kiss it and make it better?" LOL
YeOldFurt

john bord said...

snap.... hmmmmmm
off..... on

Mayberry said...

I just had to reply... YeOldFurt made me laugh hard!

Hat Trick said...

OW!! I thought it hurt when my brother would sneak up behind me and zap my ear lobe.

Poor Lab Cat.

The Farmer said...

Shot Beer out both nostrils. Thanks for the laugh.

Larry said...

That wasn't static shock, that was active and malignant.

Island Bob said...

If you can write a haiku about lutefisk you can surely write a Limerick that ends: "And lightning shot out of her ---s"

Peter said...

That'll be a happy mammary for your old age . . .

;-)

Old NFO said...

Heh... sorry but that right there is funny... and Yep, Sparky and Roy are the twins new names :-)

Six said...

Ok. Funniest thing I've read all year. I guess that's the purpose of the metal underwire.
Lightning rod.

Mike said...

Brigid,

I am.....speechless. Just......marvelously written in the most gentle of ways. And hilarious. I will second what YOF suggested!!!

SWModel66

SandPine said...

Wow - a whole new view on grounding.

Which starts to lead to something about ground rods, direct current... oh never mind.... the nose has been pushed over and the throttle firewalled on this conversation.

But on a similar note my wife has scoliosis and a considerable amount of metal in her back. We used to live in Florida... thunderstorms could be more than just exciting, some would say energizing.

SandPine

Stephen said...

Now that there is funny, I don't care who trained your tigers.

old okie said...

Sorry it happened but I also vote for pictures,just to check for damage!!!!!

Joshkie said...

You just had to prove me wrong on the not as crass comment last post.

Looks like someone needs to invest in a good ESD garment.

Some ESD socks might be a good place to start.
http://www.esdapparel.com/index,16,ESD-Socks.html

:-)
Josh

Well unless you are into that. Some people pay good money for that.

ajdshootist said...

Almost a Jennifer Aniston & Ellen DeGeneres moment there & im with YeOldFurt on this one! LOL

MSgt said...

I'll be in my bunk.

Bob in Tampa said...

And "Good Morning" to you Brigid. Hope this hasn't set back your recovery! I though shock therapy went out of fashion a long time ago!

Brigid said...

This just in:


Grand Tetons, WY (AP) Scientists here have discovered the cause of the most mysterious house fires across America.... improperly grounded lingerie. Professor Hans Feelum, director of Mammary Studies at Grand Tetons University said Tuesday in a written report to the American Institute for Safer Lingerie that one of the leading causes for house fires of indeterminate cause in America is static discharge from full figured women. "At first, we couldn't believe it either," said Feelem "But when we rubbed the frontal area of such women with pieces of silk cloth or rabbit fur, much like in high school science classes, they tended to build up huge static charges, particularly if they were wearing less than adequate bras." Feelem went on to explain that the structure on such women was capable of charging up to very high levels of voltage.

"These women, with racy, or even worse, no bras at all, have started many fires in reloading rooms across America," he said, sadly shaking his head. "And it's so easily preventable."

"Until safe lingerie becomes more widely available, well endowed women, can easily prevent static discharges," he explained. "Using commonly available household items, duct tape and aluminum foil, a static shield can be constructed that fits over the breast, preventing static build up. While the aluminum foil may yield a slightly unnatural shape and possibly create strange crinkly sounds as a woman moves and the duct tape may hurt a little when removed, it's still better to be safe than sorry," explained Feelum. "If only one fire can be prevented, it's worth it."

MaineMapleDave said...

Sitting here wiping tears from my eyes, I swear I think coffee came out my nostrils..........

No such thing, really, as TMI, but I can't help but wonder if some form of grounding device for, um, er, ah, well, "those" could be The Next Big Idea..........hmmmmmm........................

og said...

I have experienced a similar situation. My old house had a stainless range, and I got up to make breakfast after a morning quickie in midwinter.

Mr Happy, still at half mast from the morning's activities, made contact with the metal front of the stove.

I don't know which part was worse; the red mark from the zap, the smell of burning.... love residue, or the very unmanly scream I produced, but I've never cooked naked again.

og said...

I am minded that I have been places where people pay good hard earned cash for that selfsame kind of treatment.

Midwest Chick said...

Hands down, the funniest thing I've read all year. Loved the followup too.! Just be glad you're not wearing a lot of fleece... you wouldn't have even needed to touch the safe, only come close to it.

Midwest Chick said...

A Haiku:

Brigid has Dry Air
Static Electricity
Sigfried Got Toasted

OrangeNeck said...

So, not only could they cut glass, but they can now do it using a high voltage matter/anti-matter plasma beam.

Crustyrusty said...

I don't wanna know what's going to happen when the EMP hits... :-(

Dann in Ohio said...

Maybe the original designer of those latex outfits for women had something more practical in mind...

I wonder if Barkley was chuckling inside? I'm sure he'll never tell.

Dann in Ohio

Bob said...

If this electrical attraction continues can Siegfried and Roy be renamed Cathode and Anode.

Joshkie said...

Lets try this again...

So, the shotgun shell bandolier (pictured right) is not to be worn singularly or with lingerie as this could be dangers.

:-)
Josh

falnfenix said...

Oooooh ouch. I've done the whole zap-the-girls thing before. It'll definitely wake ye up when yer snoozin'!

Ed Rasimus said...

Well, it could have been worse. Think summer thunderstorm and St. Elmo's fire dancing from peak to peak...

Me said...

I suspect that right now, up in Heaven, Ben Franklin and Thomas Edison are sitting together, laughing like Beavis and Butthead.

Rev. Paul said...

Last night's comment didn't make it through - been having trouble with Blogger in that regard.

To recap: so what's needed is grounded support garments which could double as a Faraday cage. And you thought just plain flannel was "not tonight, fella" concept.

davidc said...

rotflmao !!

jon spencer said...

If only you could get these with Kalashnikitty.
http://www.kittyhell.com/2009/07/17/hello-kitty-nipple-tassels/

My excuse for knowing about the tassels is, I saw the originals on fark's caturday thread.

Wiz said...

I'm stealin' that. It's GOING to happen to Dolly in a story yet-to-be-named. People will say, "Aw, c'mon, Alger! That'll never happen!" And I'll be able to point to somebody to whom it did.

M

Sven said...

Then there are the tales of those of us who have encounters with electronics fences...the expectoration of bodily fluids and the grounding thereof.

Not a nice thing to witness in December cold, in the wicked corn stubble.

Nips and Neeps, Tatties and Teeps!

reloader said...

Dolly parton must be jealous...LOL!Greg

MO Bro said...

Reminds me of my ex Pa-in-law telling me how when he was younger he was taking a leak and hit an electric fence...
Your writing and all the follow up comments are priceless! (and then there's Y.O.F.'s comment!!)

RC said...

There's a picture of a giant stun gun in my head.....and I'm likin it.

Aanoosh said...

"I guess that's the purpose of the metal underwire."

Are there grounding lugs on those wires? And how do you connect the ground wires to ground? Trailing pieces of chain? We need some electrical engineering talent here.

Mark said...

Well there went my pint of breyers dutch chocolate. Not to clean it up before the dogs come in and try to eat it up.

Brigid said...

I've got it, the perfect protection.

The Home on the Range DON'T TASE ME BRA.