Dear _________

I have three days off. I am actually caught up on sleep, it finally quit raining and after discovering Skype, my cell bill from talking to someone far away was not $1300 for the last couple months. So for this morning smiles all around.

Best short letters ever. Old NFO started it this morning with Dear Dr. Phil and it just went from there. Feel free to add your own.

Dear TSA,
"Hi, Jack" isn't the same as "hijack."
Sincerely, was only greeting a friend.

Dear Lady GaGa,
At what point did you think wearing meat was a good idea?
Sincerely, hungry kids in Africa.

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear mailman,
How does your dog react when you get home?
Sincerely, curious.

Dear Oxford,
If you misspell a word, will we ever know?
Sincerely, genuinely concerned.

Dear 72-hour deodorant,
Sincerely, why?

Dear Students,
I know when you're texting.
Sincerely, No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Justin Bieber is the payback.
Sincerely, Canada

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic

Dear Iceberg,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear Titanic,
OM NOM NOM.
Sincerely, Iceberg

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely, Google

Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely, Unimpressed

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely, Captain Marvel

Dear idiots,
Please pull your pants up so we can't see your underwear and get a job
Sincerely, a taxpayer tired of supporting you and your 5 illegitimate children.

Dear Fork,
I understand that we haven't spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is spork. He has your hair.
Sincerely, Spoon

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Global Warming,
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely, Al Gore

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely, The Mayans

Dear Kids,
There is no Santa. Those presents are from your parents.
Sincerely, Wikileaks

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely, Every iPhone User

Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco . . .
Sincerely, United States