Tactical Beauty Tips

I was watching NCIS at my house as Midwest Chick watched it up at hers. A guilty pleasure, even though Ducky once described the injuries of a run over man as a broken "tibia and fibia". I think a "Fibia" is part of the jawbone of a politician, I've not seen one in a normal human body. But when you've only got an hour to save the planet, what's a little forensic goof, I still enjoy the show.

On the episode we were watching, a young damsel is kidnapped from the watchful eye of the NCIS team who are protecting her as she knows a special secret. She's found hours and hours later in an old warehouse, duct taped to a chair, a big piece of duct tape across her mouth to stifle her cries, her brow damp, her shirt clinging to her in the intense heat and humidity. One of NCIS team goes after the bad guy and while one of them RIPPSSS the duct tape off of her mouth so she can speak.

Now, considering that it been stuck to her for hours, that would normally remove the lips themselves. But this is TV. Not only did it not appear to hurt her, her pink lip gloss was absolutely perfect. I mean absolutely flawless. It didn't fade, it didn't smear, despite hours of duct tape and heat.

Look, I have my girly moments even though I own more guns than shoes. Face it, women in general pay a lot more attention to such things than men do. Probably because we grew up with Barbie who if she were a real live woman would be 6 foot 6, weigh about 98 pounds, (1/3 of which is gravity defying breasts) with a perfect hairdo that no real woman could get without enough hairspray to immobilize a Cape Buffalo. What's NOT to give a gal a complex about such things as pouty lips and perfect hair (I prefer the term "Free Range Hair" not "unmanageable curls").


Fortunately I ditched Barbie and got some action figures instead. Action figures didn't have to look pretty, they just had to be able to DO stuff and be self confident. You would never expect G.I. Joe to say "does this M16 carbine make my butt look too big?" Barbie was soon retired, having lost an arm to an unpleasant Tattoo experience with the little soldering iron in the wood burner kit and a leg to a potato gun launch gone awry. She retired on disability in the Barbie FEMA house where she was soon forgotten for much cooler toys.

G.I. Joe was cool. He had only the accessories he needed. Plus he showed up in an action helicopter not a pink convertible.

But I do have my occasionally girly vices which includes flavored lip gloss, which, though pretty, has NO staying power.

So it's not a surprise that when I called Midwest Chick to chat after the show, the first thing out of both our mouths was "What's was UP with that indestructible lip gloss?"

So I WANT some of that stuff. If any of you know a source of duct tape proof tactical lip gloss (preferably cherry flavored), let me know. I've got Wedgie proof briefs and my old G.I. Joe action figure so I'm about prepared for anything.