Saturday, December 31, 2011

Barkley - Always the Source of Mischief

Everyone asks about the knee and it's hard to admit that I took it out walking Barkley. OK, ice, the wrong angles between leash, knee and canine were involved but still. . . .

You never know what trouble the furry one will get into.

Officer, I was just fetching my toy.

Ship? What ship? I didn't see any ship, we're just playing with a ball.

Chasing it was more fun than catching it.

Hey, I always choose wisely.

You all be safe out there. Happy New Year Everyone!

- B.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Putting the "O" in Mobility

I've been getting my share of knee jokes, "old age" jokes, and scooter jokes with the knee injury. When I hit age 40, I started getting the AARP cards in the mail. Those folks just don't give up. Given the liberal policies that AARP has supported, we will all be 70 before we can retire so I find that a bit ironic. I saved the last one I got, to send back to them in a personal manner.

Even worse, with the AARP card, came an envelope from the Scooter Store (with FREE mobility assessment). Actually this last week, I did use one of the store scooters at the big box mart as there was no way I could get through the store on crutches for what I needed for the house prior to doing the surgery thing. Although friends visiting offered to go buy everything I needed, I wanted to see if I could do it myself once we got there.

The scooter was sort of fun, though one of the greeters came over and asked if I needed help operating the controls (which consisted of forward, backwards, right and left). Granted it might be more difficult than the T-39 (which was built when someone was having a sale on Relays) but I was good to go, thanking them for their help. Speed wise it was a fair it less than the INDY 500 and more than a snail on demoral. But I was not only able to do a cookie in the chicken aisle, I found that the displays in electronic made for great S patterns at top speed. I also disovered that fat guys with carts containing 200 bags of Tater Tots can move surprisingly fast when faced with a redhead in a Springfield Armory T-shirt, converging at top scooter speed.

Dealing with the crutches and the scooter was the hardest part. I tried holding them up, but that made it hard to work the controls. I put one one out front. Jousting - WalMart Style. (if you can knock a Billy Bass out of someone's cart with it, it's bonus points). I finally gave in and let my friend carry them while I tried to burn rubber doing .02 mph watching that the WalMart manager was not involved in radar trail tactics.

So although it was handy, I will NOT be getting my own scooter and I wanted to make sure the scooter people realized that when I got my special scooter offer in the mail not long back.


The targets are set up. For my "mobility assessment" about 40 or so feet with iron sights.



BLAM! A shot first at a regular target at 30 feet to check for windage. .

Then it's time to put the "A" in "AARP".

Next the Membership Card itself.

"Nice Shootin Tex" I hear, as Mycroft, one of the IND bloggers who was there, wandered over to see what is going on.

And it's goodbye Mr. AARP Membership Card. The perforated card splintered into fragments and fell to the ground. The pieces will go in the envelope with the custom return address and be sent back to them.



Along with my "Free Mobility Assessment for the Scooter Store".
(I didn't quite get the shot placement I wanted, putting the "O" in mobility" but I think they'll still be surprised when they receive this back in the mail).


We all have things that arrive in our lives that remind us as to how quickly time passes. Shadows stir, the season shifts and before you know it, another year is behind you. The summer is past, with days on the run, and still evenings aloft, and all too soon you're herded inside walls, the routine of chilled mornings and dark nights, cold absolution for the time you spent out in the sun in months past. The days themselves were unchanged, but what you were able to do in them was, with mornings and nights passing in the immaculate intervals of quick daylight and long nights in front of the fire wishing for the cold to pass and Spring to arrive. Yet, when Spring does start, you think again of how quickly another season flew away, and of the last months you ask yourself - did you really accomplish anything to warrant the passing of precious time?

I remember one cold night in front of the fire pondering over Joseph Conrad's story "Youth", an old man's story of his perilous experiences as a young seaman on a storm-wracked coal liner. Having always been a headstrong girl, taking on one dangerous job after another, I empathized with what he said. "I remember my youth and the feeling that I will never come back anymore, the feeling that I could last forever, outlast the sea, the earth, and all men".


How easy as a child, a teen, even into your 20's to think you are invincible. Certainly some of my adventures would indicate that I too subscribed to this vision. But with adulthood, not only comes responsibility, but loss. Suddenly, for myriads of reasons, aging, illness, war; the people around you, as reliable as the sunrise, leave. Someone I knew casually through work was ill, and terminally. All of us had been trying to visit and as I passed through the door after our last time together, she said. . "when will you be back?". I said, brightly, "soon" and the moment it was out I knew that I'd never see her again, and that we both knew it. We simply refused to give voice to it, as to do so, would be to admit our own mortality.

If I had the chance to be 20 again I wouldn't. Time and memory is what has made me who I am. Events in my life, even the ones I'd rather not repeat, all served to awaken within me a stranger who was strong enough to survive it, to grow, becoming someone forged new, honed sharper and stronger.
When I was a teen I thought 30 was ancient, now that I am past it I realize to get older is to be slowly born again.

I remember it as a childlike leap from a boat deck into pristine waters, as an aircraft frantic in a stiff wind over the Sierras, as a night camped out in the woods before a hunt with my black lab, pouring into my head every star, every smell - of newly cut grass and cordite, of black soil and wood smoke, baked honey wheat bread and deep red wine. I recall the breeze off the reserve, the cascade of air coming down Big Creek, the cleansing of a badly broken heart, the release of youthful rivalries and grudges, a discarding of impatient thoughts and anger, as in these last years I gained patience, persistence and trust. I've moved past the deception of Conrad's youth, to a place where my soul is still, my life is full and when I leap from a runway with the wind in my hair, I know I will not live forever on this earth.

But I still don't need a damn scooter.

Happy Birthday Brigid, Jr.

12/29/2011

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
I'm not sure where the phrase came from, but in looking at our children, those we love, it stands to reason. When we hold them for the first time, we move with such caution, speaking in hushed tones, recognizing something within us that had always slumbered, sightly alive, just waiting to be born.

I didn't meet Brigid Jr. until she was in college. It was an open adoption. I always knew where she was, who her Mom and Dad were. I had OK'd every detail of the small, home town adoption arranged through the local doctor. But I'd made a promise not to try and contact them or see her until she could make that decision for herself and if the decisions was not to acknowledge me, I would respect that. They in turn said they would support whatever made her happy. I was 18 years old.

I moved from the State, finding it easier to keep my promise from a distance. I'd like to say the span of years passed quickly, but the reality was more protracted. There's a line in Shakespeare's Othello that says "There are many events in the womb of time that will be delivered". Womb of time? Yes. The sweat of endurance, the agony of spreading bone. Nothing worthwhile is easy or quick, but oh, at the end, it is worth the travail of time.


When we did meet, several things struck me, especially in that I had not seen her since birth. She looked exactly like me. Not just the face, the coloring, the unusual almond shaped eyes . We had the same, identical haircut, identical ewer, and the same color shirt. We ordered the same item on the menu, had the same habits, the same mannerisms, the same laugh. It was almost spooky. OK she liked Glocks and I liked Smith and Wessons, but still. Yet she is who she is, the loving heart, the talent, the drive, from the two wonderful people who raised my child, their daughter, one Hawaiian, one Irish.

Genes or environment? Who's to say. It's both, it's neither, it's something we can only watch in wonder. But whether they are like us, or simply their own person, we see something in them. We see a journey, ours, theirs. We're the rim and they're the spoke, spreading out, seeking ground, moving away, yet always close to us. We're both a part of a journey that is worth every bit of the wear, every mile.


Such thoughts came to me when I was out in the field, within that quiet, questing about the scene, gathering, watching. It's harder in that sometimes children are involved. But underneath my gear, I felt the trace of a wallet in my back pocket, in it a well worn, tear stained photo of a beautiful, fair haired girl with blue eyes.

It's why I do what I do. It's why, when we look in to the trusting eyes of a child, we see, not ourselves, but the foretaste of responsibility, the fierce need to keep them safe, no matter what.

And so it was I reflected on such things, that last day out in the field, looking up at branches shattered by forces bigger than themselves, hanging in the air as if part of the earth was thrust upward, a spectral tracing to a loss more profound than simply lost years.

Somewhere that night a family would grieve. Somewhere that night, through no effort of mine but a heart laid wide open, my child lay safe.

I looked up at broken trees to a heaven unbroken and simply said thanks.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Update from friends



Brigid asked that I let everyone know the surgery went well. She is home and safe (all office chairs have been limited to linear motion only.) Between the Morphine, Demerol, and Hydrocodone she is not up to posting, but all is well.

Midwest Chick and Mr. B are on standby, Barkley is fed, and I'll make sure she doesn't start doing fancy footwork on the crutches at 2AM. (It might scare the neighbors.)

She sends her love and thanks for everyone's prayers.

-EJ

Off to surgery

I had surgery less than 12 months ago. So, when am I officially Borg?

They are going to have to remove a portion of the meniscus, as it is torn beyond repair. That may bring some arthritis problems as I get older, but the doc said he'd do what he could, to save what he could,. The dislocated knee? They will adjust and I start PT on Friday for that.

Just a word of advice. If you've spent 30 something years running, carrying big back packs, flying jets, rock climbing, dodging trouble and giving a cat a bath, do NOT try and walk your 90 pound lab down an icy sidewalk when a female golden retriever is going the opposite direction. Just saying.

I've a post saved to come up later if I'm on line. If it does not, do not worry. I've friends staying with me through Sunday to take care of Barkley and myself, He is sticking by my side, not knowing what happened exactly, but knowing that Mom is not doing her best.

Brigid and Barkley (aka "the mangler")

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

HOTR Deadly Sins - Updated


I saw somewhere that the Vatican added hurting the environment to the list of the seven deadly sins.
The current list:
Lust
Gluttony (does bacon count?)
Greed
Sloth (three toed or the other kind?)
Wrath
Envy (but it's the XDM .45 in green and stainless)
Pride

Well, with all due respect to the church, if they can add "damaging the environment" to the list, I'm going to add a few of my own.

The Home on the Range List of Additional Deadly Sins (abridged)
Feel free to add your own.

Last Donut
Carjacking
Welfare
Second Place
Monday Mornings
Monday Morning Breath
Cathy Lee Gifford
Pink firearms (sorry ladies, it's not a fashion accessory)
High metabolic rates
Women who treat other women as rivals
Express Lane Abuse

Barkley says - "Hey, you in the 12 item /cash only line - you have 33 bags of Doritos and a second party check from the Bank of Kazakhstan? I don't think so "

Braille signs at the drive thru
Jealousy (even prisoners get time off for good behavior)
The Slim Fast "sensible meal"
Fat men in speedos
Fat women in spandex
Trophy Wife
Dumping someone by email
Barney the Dinosaur
Occupy Wall Street
Botox
Gun Bans
Edible Underwear (bacon boxers, perhaps, otherwise, no)
The Jennings .22lr
CNN
Comcast
Misfeeds
Turkey Bacon
Foreign Call Centers
Cosmopolitans
Clingy women
Clingy men
Spitting
Star Trek Voyager (Gilligan got home quicker than this crew)
Celebrity Fitness DVD's (picking up brass will do more for your gluts)
"Celebrity Designers" (Put "Kardashian" on a cow patty, it's still a cow patty)
Drinks with Umbrellas (EJ just informed me that if it is served on a beach, by a topless supermodel, that does NOT count).
Enzyte ads (buying a new .45 will put that smile on your face too)
Lack of Muzzle Control
And finally. . .

People that think the Government owes them a living.

Monday, December 26, 2011

That Which Remains



Those hallowed and pure motions of the sense
Which seem, in their simplicity, to own
An intellectual charm; that calm delight
Which, if I err not, surely must belong
To those first-born affinities that fit
Our new existence to existing things


William Wordsworth

Most of us get the little things around us, from simple to sublime, some posting them cursively on paper, others capturing them in photos, some just cataloging them away in the brain for quiet afternoons of reflective thought. Some walk through life with a remote in their hand and blinders on, not realizing what they missed until all they hear is the final shut of a door.

Not I. For me, I'll take the slow path, the closer look, the unseen poetry in a drop of melting snow, the land and soul that thirst.

I've never been one to collect things, thimbles, figurines, little knick knacks that will require dusting long after I am dust. I've moved too many times over the years to even think about it. I have some cookbooks, I have some of my favorite brass, I have a well loved violin that follows me around, annoying the neighbors.

But I learned early to note and catalog things, starting with plants in my first botany class, then working on up to so many small bones. It's why I always liked science museums, having an ingrained curiosity since childhood as to what made things tick. But it wasn't just plants and animals, machines as well needed to be understood. It's why in high school, while the girls were gossiping and buying clothes, I was learning how to put Purple Hornies headers on my car.

Certainly now, with the Internet, much of the mystery is gone, the average person being able to learn how to do just about anything on a home computer. Even with graphics, computer animations and YouTube, there are still some ways we learn that are best learned hands on (probably why I'm not seen a book entitled Disassembling the Ruger Mark III for Dummies).


But with the Internet, you miss those integral steps, that human interaction that provides a corporate experience. It's physical interaction with emotional understanding that you are not going to get with a 57 inch TV. Comparing a TVshow on a subject to hands on looking, touching and watching what it's made of, is like seeing a picture of fresh pie, and tasting it on your tongue. The subject area may be the same, but the experiences are light years apart.

For I like to learn hands on, be it in the field or in a museum, taking a close look at it, holding it close (it's not ticking is it?), feeling the heft of weight in my hand, the form of it under my fingers. All the senses involved. I'd read everything there was about dinosaurs in books as a kid, fascinated with both the size and the structure, but the first time I lay my hand on a dinosaur bone, I was awestruck. I remember it to this day, loitering there in a blaze of sunlight, hand outreached, besieged by the huge strangeness of what I was seeing, the unfamiliar feeling of comprehending for the first time, how old the world really was, and how ALIVE I was. It wasn't just a dinosaur, it was seeing the world as it was, not fairy tales or fables, but true, as that unfamiliarity divided into rivers of wondering that I would follow for years. Including that moment in the theater when I yelled out, "Jurassic Park? Those things with big teeth are from the Cretaceous era!"


But the wandering adventure never ended. Even as a pilot, it continued. I'd look through the window of the aircraft as if it was a doorway to another dimension, wild, tremendous landscape stretching farther than even the eagle could see, blue-green mountains reaching up from the vermilion shores of the high plains. I would dash out into the sky, like a kid released from school, dodging cloudbursts raining down unnamed canyons, looking down with a god's eyes onto the desert homes of the cliff dwellers, hundreds of houses built into stone before you were even born, abandoned thousands of years ago, seemingly close enough to touch.

There were always the museums, including the space museums. Actual vehicles that had returned from space. No story or animation can give you the feeling of seeing up close something that HAD "been there, done that". Some of the early designs looked like Frank Genry designs on crack. Or something my brother and I would have attempted to build with our erector sets, giant tinker toy constructions, resembling bulky 1960's foil Christmas trees more than modern spacecraft, topped with antennas that could have been placed on top by someones Norwegian Uncle after too much glogg.

Yet, in all their dated technology, I paused in wonder, seeing it all and thinking that all of the things I built as a child and a teen, the weather radio, the rockets, could have become something like that, with no more imagination, but simply more education. Museums are like that for me, a humanness of history that brushes my skin as I pass each display, clinging to me even as I leave with the genius, fixations and wonder of humanity waiting outside the door.


Like all things mechanical, all things living, what we look at is much more than a sum of its parts. Those early space ships, the eroded surfaces speaking of the intense heat of reentry, the thin outer skin belying the courage of the man that it cradled, just waiting to be blasted into the unknown. A Mercury wonder of heat and design and engineering unheard of in its day. Compare it with the Soviet ships, odd instruments with Cyrillic labels, foreign yet familiar. An animation can never give you that little surge of awe I got on seeing that warning stenciled on a Soyuz reentry module: “Man inside! Help!” -- words that are dense testimony to both the dangers of a landing and the human ignorance that may exacerbate it.

The best way to figure out how something works is to take it apart.My brother and I started with the TV at age 12. The only reason I am not STILL grounded is that we got it back together before we were busted. Somethings are easy, radios, artichokes, a Cuisinart, easy pickings for the inquisitive geek. Hearing about or watching a TV show about taking something apart is one thing. But seeing it, laying your hands on it, hearing it, smelling it, is another. Those are the type of museums I like, boneyards of man and machine, unlikely mechanics in action, dismantled into their core components, laid out for us to wonder. The Oregon Museum of Science and Industry had this heart the size of a small kitchen in which you could walk through. In it, you experienced each chamber of the heart, complete with sounds, and as a child there on holiday, I would sometimes just stand in it for the longest time, before I could bear to leave it to go stare at the wall of bees. I still have fun in the children's section of science museums where there are no "don't touch" signs and the world is one big laboratory.


In the Berlin Museum of Communications there is a postal service stagecoach, dismantled into its components, hanging up. Most walk past it, eager to get to the computer modules. Some look at it as only as a dusty visage, long divorced from reality, decaying quietly as only a glimpse of something no longer needed. I see structure, form, load bearing surfaces, joints and sinew of wood, made by people that perhaps could not read or write, but oh, they could build.

Give me cross sections, give me actual animals, preserved and on display, don't show me computer videos of things I can watch at home on the discovery channel. Give me not just knowledge, but touch, for when I do it's a tiny chill, partly the warmth of recognition. Early science was imitation and magic but it was more than that. If you go into the caves of Lascaux, the innermost and highest paintings were done at such elevation that they would never have been visible with the light possessed in that age, to anyone other than the artist who painted them. For he was not painting for them, he was painting for something else, a vision that only he saw and wished to document for time.

Unfortunately, most of the technology and science museums today cater to the computer generation with entire floors dedicated to Genetics with wall displays of the codes GAG, GAT TAC ACT, ACP (wait, that's the shooters code) and huge stylized double helices of plastic, all a high tech but impersonal submersion into something that to me, is the Rosetta stone of life. The genetic code is almost universal. The same codons are assigned to the same amino acids and to the same START and STOP signals in the vast majority of genes in animals, plants, and microorganisms. We are all more closely bound than we think.

I didn't want to see plastic models of DNA, I wanted to see the real thing. If you want to show me DNA, then show me DNA - in test tubes, or through an actual working electron microscope.


Which is why a trip overseas a short while back and a chance to visit a museum in Dublin on the way back meant a lot to me. It's unchanged since Victorian days, the ground floor being dedicated to Irish animals, featuring giant deer skeletons and a variety of mammals, birds and fish. Among the locals it's known as the "Dead Zoo" and when I heard that I knew I was going to spend a day of personal leave there. The upper floors of the building were laid out in the 19th Century in a scientific arrangement showing animals by taxonomic group, an incredible diversity, the interrelations of species through the evolutionary tree.

And my favorite, the bones, the incredible biotechnology of the animal machine, the structure and dentition, the vertebrate body scheme working and adapting. Sure a plastic model of a skull will give you an idea, but it can't possibly show you the exquisite detail of a creature dead hundreds of years. Photos weren't allowed, but I looked and with sketchpad I drew, bone gleaming though splendors last decay, eyes nothing but two empty pools in which the stationary world lurked gravely in miniature.

Stop and look in a museum, stand in places where history stood still, the courtyard at Monte Alban in quiet sunlight you can almost feel the air shimmering with life, priests, victims, warriors, the ball court where to lose the game was to lose life. Those lives vibrate through you.

"those first firm affinities that fit, our new existence to existing things".

That which remains are all things, past present, they make us what we are, everything the human mind has invented, everything the human heart has loved and grieved for. It may touch only a few, but it connects us all.

As I left the Dublin museum, I felt the hush of the wind, a soft voice that says, remember me, in layer and layer of ash and stone, bones to be studied, new life to be born. There in a puddle at my feet; a small leaf, decaying in the water, the tissue gone, only the delicate fibrous remnants of that which was vein and bone left. Rocking in the water as if in the motion of sleep, they waved their translucent goodbye. Remember me, remember this, from God's intricate creations of blood and bone and sinew, to our own dust, the distance is small.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas


As most of you have already read, Christmas didn't turn out in the least as I planned, being pretty much immobile and in a lot of discomfort with the blown out knee, not able to visit family or friends out of town. But with the warm thoughts of friends, and a couple of companions who refuse to leave my side, it turned out just fine.


To all of you who sent cards and packages, thank you. I'm sitting in some warm and fuzzy outer wear, with slippers and a cup of coffee from my new Kureg coffee machine, books to read (Red Green!), and new videos to watch (Wallace and Gromit with the nefarious penguin, my favorite). And last night, there was wine in new hand painted stemless wine glasses from friends up North, while we listened to the seasons strains of Metallica with the SFO Symphony orchestra (what, you were expecting Burl Ives?)


Santa Paws even remembered Barkley, with a stuffing free fox to mangle and a giant squeaky ball with feet (why yes, Barkley that IS annoying).


Even better, Santa got me a BACON PRESS!!! Breakfast pastry had been premade and frozen so all there was to do to make Christmas breakfast was heat up a new cast iron skillet and tools and get out the Amish Bacon that Midwest Chick and Mr. B brought down for me.


I couldn't do church, I can't even get in and out of the tub without a chair, a crutch and some serious cursing in Norwegian, but I wanted a traditional breakfast even if it took help. Such treats are always a good memory for me.

When I was a kid, we'd usually waffles, abelskivvers or pancakes for Sunday breakfast, but sometimes we'd have them for dinner as well. It was usually when the household budget was tight. My Mom quit her 13 year career as a LEO to be a full time Mom, and Dad took a lesser paying position that allowed him to be home every night. Sacrifices I know we benefited from. Certainly I remember those dinners and the laughter and the love that lived in the house 24 and 7, more than any brand new bike I didn't get.


My brothers and I loved "pancake night". Dad would grumble a little. . unless there was Bacon. Bacon I think could solve any problem. World peace. Through Bacon. Oh wait, well maybe not, but it sounds like a plan.

With or without bacon, I can sit and eat some fluffy, maple infused goodness, and watch the sun go up or down and the taste will take me back.

Sometimes Mom would make two kinds. Sourdough and regular. Or some with nuts and apples, or little bits of sausage inside, along with buttermilk ones. There would be maple syrup, and genuine Lingonberry Jam and real butter from the farm nearby.


Little bits, little bites to try them all. Dad would finally relax after a long stressful day at work, and we'd tell the tales of our day and small childhood victories. For these breakfasts for dinner, no worries about money, or the mortgage or the future. Simply bites of life shared with those you love. I'd savor one flavor, even while anticipating the next, savory, sweet, maybe nutty, the golden disks disappearing like coins well spent. I was never able to figure out which taste I wanted to end with, one taste of time that was almost too sweet to bear, or that which was so dense that I would remember it always.

Like pancakes for dinner, such was this Christmas, unexpected, not ending as planned, but full of little bits of sweetness and caring from those that have become my family.


I usually try and leave comments for all of you on your blogs or send emails but just this little bit has worn me out. Just know that I am thinking of you, even if we are apart, even if I don't say so today. Remember every gift you have, that we all are to each other, through good times and bad. For that is what friends and family are for.

Tis the Season.
With love,
Brigid

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Childhood Memories - Duct Tape, Daring and Dremel Tools

In every family there is usually one child that has that deep seated curiosity that sets him or her apart from the others. Sometimes it's as subtle as a lot of "why" questions, sometimes it's finding out your child asked for new stock components for the AR15 from Santa. But for you new parents (Brigid Jr., already has her own AR15 to play with) here are some helpful hints to recognize if your child is going down the path of saving the world, one evil mad scientist experiment at a time.

How to identify if your child is going to be the next engineer, scientist or handyman in the family.

All toys are first taken completely apart before playing with.

Hooks dogs leash to remote control car so he/she does not have to walk him.

Pumps up his or her Super Soaker with an industrial air compressor.


Spends allowance at "Pick a Part."

Jello + BB Gun. Does anyone have a mop?

Install Dad's stereo speakers in ductwork for true "surround sound".

Freezes siblings chair with liquid nitrogen when he's foolish enough to be temporarily absent.

Rolls his/her eyes when you call a Pipe Wrench a Monkey Wrench.

Comes home from Sears with permission slip to buy a nail gun.

Asks for a large sheet of plywood and a saw horse or two to go with the toboggan at Christmas to better make the ski jump.

Uses Dremel tool to convert striped Phillip head screws into slotted screws.


Opens the stuck jar of mayonnaise by puncturing the lid with a clean nail to break the vacuum.

Solves Rubic Cube by disassembling and reassembling in the correct order. (Mad Scientist bonus: Disassembles and reassembles leaving it one cube out of place and leaves it for unsuspecting siblings).

Can repair any toy out of existing garage inventory.

Takes apart 36 inch model of Cutty Sark with a hammer to build a workable raft.


When given permission to build a tree house, presents a bill of materials including the proper number of nails.

Launches G.I. Joe/Star Wars Project to melt enemy troops with magnifying glass.

Makes Bionic Barbie with scraps of wire and auto body filler to replace leg lost in potato gun launch.

click to enlarge

When asked why he or she is borrowing the vice grips replies "I hear the tooth fairy pays good money."

Passes meatballs to little brother with trebuchet.

Trip to ocean involves buckets and M80's for building and destroying sand castles.

Takes apart TV set "because there's nothing to watch".


Instead of marbles, has a jar full of nuts and screws. (Got bored playing marbles when discovery made that you can always win using a steel ball bearing.)

Discussion at parent/teacher conference involves discussion of intentional launch of smaller children off of teeter totter to correlate weight and angle to trajectory.

Neighbor calls that your kid is in their back yard with a cat, duct tape, a two liter bottle of diet coke and Mentos.

While Mom makes cookies, mixes Borax, white glue, water, and food coloring to make homemade slime.

Borrow tools and does not return them.

Have a safe and happy Christmas Eve, and enjoy every memory your family builds.

Taking it Easy - Knee Update


It's easier to post than to send out 50 emails. Sorry.

The MRI last night shows a definite tear through the medial miniscus (between the medial condyle of the femur and the medial condyle of the tibia) and some significant bone bruising. My family doc took a look at it and got me off immediately to the doc that works on the local football team, one of the best ortho guys in the area. That doc said "I usually see this injury in professional footballs players, what did you do?" He didn't buy the ninja story either.

He'll do the surgery this week, hopefully. On the plus side, x rays and all showed NO arthritis or pre-existing problems in the knees. I'll be on crutches for a week after the surgery (Barkley will have to stay with friends) then 4-6 weeks until "normal activity" (i.e field work, rappelling, zombies, ninjas, changing the oil in the truck, hiking, lifting more than a 22 ounce Guinness, etc.)

I have hydrocodone though, so tonight I can put on some music and sing "We Three Kings Disoriented Are".

Til then, some rest, some lefse with cinnamon and sugar that I made last week, and a post for later. . . .
Cheers.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Road Warriors - Safety in Winter

I posted a shorter version of this last winter. After seeing in the news yesterday about a young woman who got her car stuck and survived for 9 days on two candy bars and melted snow, I thought I should repost it, and add to it. Please have your family members read this, or talk with them about it. It could save a life.


Think about your drive home today. The sun might be shining, but what will the weather be like when you come home from work? What if your car slides or is forced off the road due to another driver that leaves the scene. There you are, stuck in a ditch or broke down in an isolated area as the temperature slides quickly to zero or below?

More times than you know, after a strong and unexpected storm, people have died on their way home, having left offices in light coats to covered parking garages, expecting a quick drive home to their snug garage. They are just going from covered parking to covered parking. Who needs gloves or a thick coat or other things? And they died.


Being outdoors in the winter, how you gear yourself is crucial. You have to dress for it, layering the clothes, making sure you keep dry at all costs. My Mom would tell us to keep our hats on as we'd lose 90% of our heat through our head. I'd be a smart alec and say "so Mom, I can go naked and wear a hat and I'll only be 10% colder".

It's not 90% but she was close. Even though my Arctic weight Carhart has a great hood that snaps in front of the neck, I still have a scarf for additional protection around the exposed areas. You can lose over 50 percent of your body heat from an unprotected head and even more if your neck, wrists and ankles aren't insulated well, for those areas of the body have very little insulating fat and thus are good radiators of heat. If you don't cover your head well, because of the blood circulation in it, much of it close to the surface, can cause you to loose heat quickly. The brain is quite susceptible to cold.

You want to avoid overheating as well. If you sweat into your clothes, that damp will decrease the insulation quality of the fabric and as the sweat evaporates, your body cools. If you start getting sweaty, open your jacket up a bit, or remove an inner layer of clothing or take off your gloves for just a minute. Hands, like the head can really dissipate the heat.

Do take gear for outdoor activities, even a day hike. If you have room and are going to be in the woods, pack up tightly a heavy, down-lined sleeping bag. Ensure the down remains dry. At least take an extra jacket, hat, gloves, and a blanket. If outdoors and you don't have a sleeping bag you can make one out of some parachute cloth, which is easy to pack and nature's own dry filler, pine needles, moss, leaves (make sure it's dry), placing the dry filler between two layers of the cloth.

But what about those less obvious treks, that trip to the store, that drive home from the lab or a night out on the town. That small trendy coat is going to seem pretty meager if you end up stuck, and unable to run your car's engine to heat the vehicle.


I always tried to carry a small survival bag in the car or in the truck when I know I am going to be out in isolated areas, or after dark anywhere. You don't need enough to stock or arm an entire platoon, just enough for basic protection from the elements and nutrition for a night or two. Pack it in a small bag, or a box.

That of course, is in addition to a personal carry piece in those places I can legally have one in the vehicle. Remember, if your trip is going across State lines, please carefully review the laws for having a weapon in your vehicle for each State you will travel through. Many states do NOT recognize other State's permits. Make sure the weapon is secure on your person or in proper storage, loaded only if you intend it to be, and never for a moment pointed at anything you don't wish to shoot. But have it handy, where you can get to it quickly and easily if the situation warrants its use to defend your life.


Why a weapon?

I am going to come across to some as alarmist but I speak from someone with experience in the field and the daughter of LEO's. Not everyone that may offer aid if you are stranded, especially women, is a good Samaritan. Women are often victims of those they trust. If the person offers help, have them call the Highway Patrol, Sheriff or local police. and stay near you until they arrive. But if your life is not in immediate danger, stay in your vehicle, with the window rolled up, until that help arrives. If a lone car pulls up with flashing lights, but no markings, or makings and no uniform, ladies, ask the officer for their ID before you roll down that window. Look at it closely. They won't mind one bit, and would hope their wives or children of driving age do the same.

Now for assembling a basic, compact, easy to store winter kit.

What NOT to put in the kit is easy.


I think you can get along without a Margherita (alcohol is not the beverage of choice if you are conserving body heat), a snow globe (just look out the window), a DVD, or your lip gloss.

Hearing protection? Well gentlemen, that depends who you are stuck in the ditch with (I told you to stop and ask for directions ).

Here's what I would carry for trips about town - just the basics, not heavy, and it doesn't take up much space. For starters, already in the vehicle is a small shovel, flares in the glove box, that firearm and ammo (legally carried and stored, check your State laws), a map, cell phone charger that will run off the vehicle's power supply, a trash bag and a small first aid kit (throw some surgical tubing in the first aid kit, it can be used for a tourneqet, transferring water from a catch and is generally more useful than straps). Those things stay year round.

Now time for the winter kit or the kit that goes on any trip away from developed areas. Swiss Army knife, food high in in fat/protein and carbs, water for at least 3 days, a metal container to melt snow, waterproof matches (in a waterproof container), a backup lighter, a compass, waterproof ground cloth and cover, flashlight, 60 hour emergency candle, water purification tablets, something to signal for help (a mirror to augment the flares), an extra warm shirt or jacket and an extra warm blanket. (I throw in a sleeping bag alongside as well). Also, a bright colored warm hat to wear and something else bright colored to wear or hang from an antenna. Warm, waterproof boots, gloves, tape, string and hand sanitizer. Why? Cleanliness will keep you from risking dehydration with an upset tummy, sanitizer can also disinfect a wound and be used in starting a fire. This is in addition to the box of Kleenex and wet naps I usually have in the car.

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It sounds like a ton of stuff but you can put it all in a medium sized box or small duffel bag in the trunk. Better yet, if you are traveling solo, space permitting, have it in the vehicle with you so you don't have to get out into the elements to set up for warmth until help arrives. Stay with your vehicle, attaching a bright piece of cloth to an antenna for visibility. Don't try and walk out if can you help it. People have done that and been found frozen stiff only a 1/4 mile away from their vehicle after getting disoriented in the snow.


Simple advice. Small, useful things you likely already have around the house. Gather them up. Know how to use them. They may one day save your life, so you can get home safely and in need of proper refreshment.

And save the frosty things for when you get home.