Then I opened it and unleashed something. But it wasn't chaos.
Once, when I was a totally first time deer hunter, I opened up the bottle of Tinks, deer in estros scent and took a big whiff, to see what it smelled like.
I do believe most of my nose hair incinerated, my retinas briefly detached and there was a compression somewhere between C-11 and C-12 as I attempted not to throw up.
This was worse.
Thinking it was just me, I ran it past Miss D. when she was over for a visit. " Wow, that's horrible" she said (and some special words she learned from Alaskan bush pilots). Her husband Peter offered his nose for a test and then promptly offered me a bottle of mead to get it out of the room and bury it.
Maybe, when one of the red hazmat bins is empty. . .no, safer to bury it.
Scent is a deeply personal thing, and certain scents bring do bring back memories.
Brut was beyond popular when I was growing up, one of the first to use a celebrity endorsement to persuade men that grooming wasn't for wimps. Famed heavyweight boxer Henry Cooper was the original "face" of Brut, urging men to "splash it all over" long before David Beckham had his first shave. I think there were little machines in the bathrooms in bars you could go into with a fake ID and have something with Kahlua and the guys would go douse themselves with it or so I heard I don't know I was at choir practice. . .
I wasn't a big fan of Brut. But I worked at the airport after school, pumping gas, driving this humongous truck with lousy brakes that was full of flammable liquid between large pointy moving objects and Samoans racing bag carts. And Dad freaked out if I drove the VW Bug on the freeway.
So I smelled like kerosene, which sort of cancelled out the Brut smell. Besides, I was holding out for my grade school girl crush, Illya Kuyakin, so teenager boys in Brut didn't stand much of a chance.
Dad gave that up for Old Spice which he has worn ever since. When I go home, he gives me a big hug and I can still smell it on his sweater, that "Dad" smell that's both reassurance and comfort.
Now, there's not just aftershave, there is cologne, shampoo, body washes, shampoo/body washes (and the difference is?)
Most advertise themselves to smell like "fresh glacier extinguishing a giant forest fire full of deer in heat" or such things.
I think the perfect man natural scent would be some sort of mysterious combination of gun cleaning fluid, coffee, bacon, woodsmoke, and dark beer (with a slight undertone of 20 year old British Motor Car Wheel Bearing Grease.)
But boy, are there some bad ones out there.
Russia makes some particularly vile ones though they'd be good with a twist of lime and some ice,
And there's one I can't remember the exact name of, from a small central European country that smelled like the bottom of the sea. The place where fish poop a lot, not the Aerial the little redheaded Mermaid happy place.
Masters Island Breeze - be careful you don't get any on your skin.
Secretions Malefiques - the Kardashians Kat in heat.
Aqua Velva Musk - if you want to be hit on by a hairy fur trapper, go right ahead.
Black Magic (various grooming products) - If you see it? Kill it! Kill it with Fire!
And I'd avoid Anarchy, for now.
So ladies - what are your favorite (and least) scents on a guy?
And Gentlemen - do you have a favorite or do you just agree on that whole woodsmoke and bacon thing?