Saturday, December 7, 2013

The Right Tool for the Job

"Use the right tool for the job" isn't just a slogan for election time, it's a household must. -
Home on the Range

A few minor chores will be done around here this weekend. Nothing major,  as I'm at the crash pad on call.   It's stuff I could call the landlord for but would rather fix myself rather than have to shut Barkley up in a back room if I'm out, in case they arrive while I'm gone.  Simple chores, none requiring  more than a screwdriver, a hammer or some Spackle, but I realized that for every household job, there is the right tool for it.

In cooking there are often substitutions made, basil for oregano, honey for sugar, applesauce for oil in brownies. Some things just don't work as well. ( I once substituted Aleppo Turkish peppers for the milder smoked Ancho and made someone cry.)

Good Kitchen SubstitutionsAllspice – 1 teaspoon
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon plus 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves.

Baking Powder – 1 teaspoon   1/3 tsp. baking soda plus 1/2 tsp. cream of tartar

Buttermilk – 1 cup   1 tablespoon of lemon juice or vinegar plus enough regular milk to make 1 cup (let sit for 5 minutes)

Cocoa – 1/4 cup   1 ounce (square) chocolate (decrease butter/oil in recipe by 1/2 Tablespoon)

Condensed Milk – 1 cup    Heat 1/3 cup of evaporated milk, 3/4 cup of sugar, and 2 tablespoons of butter until dissolved.

Cornstarch (for thickening) – 1 tablespoon   2 tablespoons of flour (cook at least 3 minutes longer to thicken)

Egg – 1 whole egg   1/4 cup of egg beaters or
2 tablespoons of regular mayo (for baking batters only)

Good and Not so Good Romance Substitutions

Romantic Dinner for Two:

Good: Beef tenderloin, roast asparagus, salad and a martini
Not Good: Hot dog with 3 alarm chili sauce and a can of Squirt

Getting ready - Undergarments for off the shoulder dress:

Good: Strapless bra
Not Good: Duct tape

Getting Ready - Cuff Links:

Good: Gold Tie Pins
Not Good: Small bone shaped dog biscuits

Men's Evening Wear:

Good: Long sleeve dress shirt, bowtie
Bad: Underoos and a cape

Women's Evening Wear:

Good: Something in velvet or silk and a smile
Bad: It requires a key

Getting Close:

Good: Warmed Massage Oil
Not Good: WD40

Shooting Sports and Self Defense

On the reloading bench:

Good: High quality blackpowder
Not Good: Mix of smokeless powder and blackpowder.
Really Not Good: Tang

Self Defense:

Good: Something in .45 or .357
Not Good: Slingshot loaded with angry hamster

In the kitchen

Dishwasher Spot-Free Rinse Agent:

Good: White Vinegar
Not Good: Fluoroantimonic Acid

Baked on Oven Grime:

Good: Baking Soda
Bad: C4


Repairing Glasses:

Good: Needle Nosed Pliers
Not Good: Pipe Wrench

Getting at a Roof Repair:

Good: Hardwood Ladder
Not Good: Hardwood Tree

Receding Hairline:

Good: A good haircut
Not Good: Toupee made of beaver pelt

Repair of Circuit Board:

Good: Soldering Iron
Not Good: Arc Welder

Removing Wallpaper:

Good: A bottle to spray on a mist of warm water and a scraper
Not Good: Propane Torch

Bad Breath:

Good: Chew a Sprig of Fresh Parsley
Not Good: Chewing Tobacco

Relatives giving you a headache:

Good: Advil
Not Good: Anvil

Kitchen Fixture Removal:

Good: Crowbar
Not Good: C4

Front Porch Wasp Nest:

Good: 4 T. of Dawn dish soap per cup of water sprayed 10-20 feet away
Not Good: HK G3 / HK91 . 308 machine gun

Cutting a 2 x 4:

Good: Bench Vice
Bad: Your knees

Small dent(not hole) in drywall:

Good: Joint compound
Not Good: Bowling ball

Property Line Dispute:

Good: Surveyor results and a homemade pecan bourbon pie
Not Good: C4