Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Men are from Mars - Bringing up the Subject of a New Firearm

There was a best selling book a long while back called "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", attempting to sum up the differences between the sexes. 

I flipped through it at the book store but didn't buy it, as I work and play with mostly guys and would probably have done better with a book on copper plumbing and why it hates me.

Certainly there are differences, but communication, not books, is the key.   For example, consider this actual conversation not all that long back at the Range.

Venusian:  (fresh out of the shower and eying perfume and body sprays). "What would you like me to smell like? You have a choice of Vanilla, Strawberries and Champagne, White Musk, or Loves Potion No. 1."

Martian: "Loves Potion No. 1?"

Venusian: "Yes."

Martian: "Does it smell like bacon??"

See what I mean?
Then there's the way we deal with stress.  Today's example.

Which would be the Venusian versus Martian choice?


If you answered "both" you might be dealing with a redhead from either planet that's had about enough stress for one year, (one armed with a Wilton extra large decorating tip and tactical sprinkles).
So gentlemen, let's say you wish to go out and purchase a new firearm, something nifty, but perhaps not as supremely practical as your better half might think. Not necessarily something you need as you already have a concealed piece or sporting pieces.  It's just something you want.

I know much of what I'm saying here is a generalization and "one size does NOT fit all", but the women I know who have firearms for protection or sport shooting are married to men who also enjoy safe and responsible firearm ownership.
In that case say "Honey I think I want to go out and buy another gun", and he's got the car out of the garage and warmed up faster than that time you said "honey, I think my water just broke".

Yes it's seems like a stereotype but it's based on statistics.  There are still a lot of law abiding  men who enjoy firearms and firearm activities who are married to those that do not embrace it  They may not object to it in theory but may still consider it an extra expense, one that perhaps the household doesn't need right now (though more and more women are learning practical defense and taking a try at some of the shooting sports).

In such a situation, how do such folks know that  their planned purchase will be met with a warm reception or at least avoid a serious conflict ("dodging a bullet") in the household.

It's all in the subtle verbal and non verbal communication: You can learn a lot just by watching a person's behavior. I'm not talking profiling, because we're not allowed to do that. I'm referring to those subtle signs that offer big clues as to someone's recent actions or intent.

For example:  Their right hand has no visible cuts, bruises or scars (they are left handed).

They have no eyebrows (they recently purchased a barbecue and an aceteylene torch).

They don't listen to anyone (they are in politics).

They twitch a lot (they are either nervous or watched too much Jersey Shore).

They are wearing an I Heart Osama Bin Laden T shirt and are waiting for public transportation carrying a large ticking suitcase (they are a tourist, we don't profile now, do we).

I'll give you another example of reading non verbal communication:

Gentlemen:  you come home quite late, smelling like beer. You didn't call. Your better half greets you at the door:

(1) She's wearing yesterdays sweat pants. Her hair is in a bun, her brow looks like the San Andreas Fault. Her look would freeze small mammals in their tracks. There is a bear trap on the bed.

(2) She's dusting the living room wearing sheer lingerie while humming Etta James' "At Last". There are two cold beers on the table. The bed is unmade. She looks at you and winks.

In which example would the man have a more pleasant outcome?

See, it's not that hard. Ladies, this applies to us as well. Women aren't the only ones who offer up non verbal communication clues.

For example

Martian (coming in from the shop): "Do we have any beer?" (what he's actually saying: "*(#*@ single stage press, I should have bought the five stage one.")

Venusian: "Just some Schlitz Light, it's only 2 points on Weight Watchers"

Martian: "No IPA?" (What he's actually saying: "with all the money we're saving on cheap *&@ diet beer I should have just bought the damn Dillon")

Sound of feet heading down stairs

Venusian: "Honey, you forgot your beer."

That being said, study both verbal and non verbal clues when presenting something that might be met with less than a stellar response. For some, that might be a new gun purchase to add to your already nice collection. When contemplating such a move, in addition to being prepared to offering up the advantages of said purchase (safety features, ease of maintenance, inexpensive back-up)  and addressing mutual  concerns (storage in a house with children, availability of ammo), you need to remember the usual tactics that apply to about any activity in the Mars/Venus household.  As Red Green would say:

(1) Come home in the same clothes you left in.

(2) Don't argue unarmed with any creature with bigger teeth than you have.

(3) If they don't ask for your opinion assume they are right.


(4) Anything you say will be held against you.

So, keeping those points in mind, you've done your homework and looked far and wide for just what you want. Then one fine Saturday, you bring home your little beauty and show the better half .

Her response:

(1) Somewhere a door slams. The only thing that's going to kick on tonight is the furnace.

(2) She looks at it and utters a very long sigh.

(3) She doesn't say a word about the firearm but reminds you of that argument you had back in 1986 when you know she was right.

(3) She says "that's OK" (she just went out and bought $525 worth of shoes, see "dodged a bullet.")

(4) She looks at it carefully, asks what it cost and what it's best used for.

(5) She says "COOL!  Can I borrow it!?"

Again, subtle clues of verbal and non verbal communication. I hope this helps, but remember, if all else fails (and you don't want to make a dozen duct tape roses like Partner in Grime did..)

(1) Tell them they are the love of your life, especially smelling like bacon.

(2) Bring them home something too. I'd suggest a 1911, but whatever strikes their fancy.



  1. Their fancy was a Mossberg 510. This time. Her next fancy is three times the price and WAS designed by a Utahan named John (so you got that right too).

  2. I think I won my sweetie's heart for the good the day I bought the S&W TRR-8 revolver for her.

    She'd never owned a gun, and never even fired one until she met me.

    After a few trips to the range she got very interested in shooting, and we started trying all different manners of hand guns, but she couldn't decide what suited her.

    One night at the range (after I'd already marveled at the TRR-8), she was handling it, and said "OH! Look, it has REAL sights!".

    "And it feels GOOD in my hand!".

    I bought it the next day......

  3. We saw burqinis (plural of burqini) headed into the waterpark in Galveston last weekend.

    They left the I Heart Osama t-shirts at home.

    Praise the Prophet! Surf's up!

  4. The correct#5 response is "Cool, honey! Thanks! Where's your new pistol? "

  5. The way to my heart is a Sig Sauer P938. (The 9mm version) It's the only weapon I have ever seen that is truly cute !

    Love the post,

    1. I know it's only a 380 but the 232 is just plain sexy. Of course the P716 gives me naughty thoughts....

  6. Having recently traversed the gates of Hades (otherwise known as a TSA check) I have to hope that someone in the next administration searches the archives and discovers that the "no profiling" memo was referring to "tourists", not "terrorists".

    Didya get the Thompson? Cool gun!

  7. Was at the monthly meeting of the gun club tonight, where we welcomed new Members. Between 10 and 15% were women. This would have been unheard of just a few years ago, in my experience.

  8. Sherm - Yes!

    Sunnybrook Farm - it's part of the job description

    Drjim - you got a prize there and I now you make her know it

    Roscoe - :-) We didn't see the first one in the mail, will check with the Post Office. Will look forward to the next one.

    Monkeywrangler - you win the internets!

    Jane - I will have to check that one out. Two of my three favorite firearms are Sigs.

    Marty - Yes, it's in the safe as we speak.

    Jim D - that's very encouraging news!

    Off to sleep - it was a very short night, and a very long day.

  9. I plan long term and preempt any issues. There was one time I wandered off to the gun show and left Monkeywrangler wrangling the monkeys. I brought her home a very nice M38 Swede. That rifle is still paying dividends.

  10. Married as I am to the woman who makes the "Best chocolate chip cookies on the planet", new firearms seem to work like this. "If it's going to be in the house I'd better know how to use it. Let's go to the range." "This is nice! thanks."

  11. You always make my day a little happier..that was great. Thanks for getting me over the Hump Day :)

  12. Really? I will send all three on a disc tomorrow instead of just the one from this weekend.

    The middle one is ... meh. It works, but the writing isn't as sharp.

  13. My far better half and I have an agreement concerning firearm purchases. She's ok with me buying whatever I want, as long as it's in the budget. But, I have to buy her an equal amount of sparkly stuff to keep things in balance.

    It works well for us because it both keeps my impulse buying to a minimum and keeps her inner magpie happy.

    That being said, I still haven't dug myself out from under the .50 purchase, though I'm getting close...

  14. I received the book today, thank you. of course being the softy I am Hannah has the book. She needs to read books for English and keep a log sheet. Cold right now 49. 36 Friday night. Old man winter is breathing hard. How is Abby, and your other half. Stay safe.

  15. The T/C Contender is pretty. What about changing to wooden grips?

  16. You done it again, Brigid!

    I'm going to be smiling all afternoon, no matter how hot it gets. I'll be outside playing with power equipment. Now which planet did I come from? Another 1911 sounds just like diamonds!

    Fair Winds and Following Seas...

    Cap'n Jan

  17. Copper plumbing is an equal opportunity hater. Laying in water and grit in a cold basement with a propane torch sweating the pipe connections on a water heater with a terminal problem is an experience everyone should get to try.

    When the new heater is installed, the fittings you sweated are not leaking, and there is hot water at the taps, it doesn't matter if you're Mars or Venus. It is a victory to be savored.

  18. ASM-

    At least you have a basement.

    Doing it in a crawl-space is just soooo much more fun!


I started this blog so the child I gave up for adoption could get to know me, and in turn, her children, as well as share stories for a family that lives too far away. So please keep it friendly and kid safe. Posts that are only a link or include an ad for an unknown business automatically to to SPAM..