Friday, March 4, 2016

Grim Driving Conditions

I'm sort of getting used to driving in a big city, realizing that  most days its a jungle out there. Everyone drives over the speed limit, changes lanes without signaling and without adequate room and you get honked at if you don't adhere to the practice of six cars must run the "yellow now red" light when turning left, before opposite traffic can go on the green.

Conservative drivers are few and far between. If you go too slow you're almost more of a menace. However I have managed to avoid any speeding tickets, though the commute home tonight took two hours.

How I  normally drive.

How I drive when I see a police officer.
The other night I'm coming out of work, going through an area that has a decent speed limit and little traffic at 3 pm. so I figured I could make up some time before hitting the gridlock as everyone lines up to get on the freeway a few miles away. I was tucked in behind a spotlessly clean black car with shiny new Illinois plates,  expensive rims and SEVERAL grim reaper type stickers on the back window and what looks like a little skull hanging from the rear-view mirror. Guy in a black hoodie in the drivers seat. In the back seat, something is sticking up.  Long snow removal squeegee - or scythe?.

He's stopped with his right turn signal on.  There's no signage prohibiting turns on red lights so traffic usually moves pretty briskly.

He doesn't turn.  He scoots out about six inches, then sees a  single car coming from the left, about 2 city blocks away. And scoots back.

Seriously - I could have turned a Beluga Whale in the space he had and it's multiple lanes for all.

He inches forward again, there's another car - about a block away, slowing down to check out a big sign for a concert -  all kinds of room.  Again, the Grim Reapermobile inches forward and  then creeps back again behind the stop line.

Wait, now there's traffic the opposite direction now turning in front of us.  OK, that's a wait.  One Two Three cars.  That's it -  the road is completely clear of all traffic from all directions.  Woot!

The Reapermobile does not move, only inches forward as if expecting another car to somehow materialize in front of him, then retreats.

Several grey hairs later, our light turns green and he turns right.

Apparently Death has moved to Chicago.

He's just afraid to change lanes.


  1. Driving with a hoodie is as bad as not clearing the snow off your windows and should be fined as such.
    As for Death? Death was stoned.

    1. I would be willing to say you are right about Death. :-)

    2. Did they legalize on The Range? Nothing Mayor Ballerina does anymore surprises me as of late.

      I saw a story in the Vantucky paper that WA State is going to double the weed store licenses due to demand for the product.

    3. A pretty sad state of affairs when Death needs an escape from reality...

    4. Roscoe - no, given the gang violence (50% of murders in the city are by gang members, usually shooting or stabbing other gang members). I doubt they will make it legal here. There's no push in the Midwest at all to do that.

  2. You know what to look for. Death rides a horse, Blinky, who is generally around even during one of the "fancies", and DEATH ALWAYS TALKS LIKE THIS.

    I have a "smart" phone just for Waze, but, when commuting, I've found the effectiveness of that app varies in direct relation to the general smarts of the population in any particular area. It works well around the local suburban area and Seattle but not so much in Vantucky (of course) or the parts of Austin that make Hank Hill shudder when he says the city's name.

  3. OOHHH, you have a Mustang like that? :)


    1. I wish - I have a big a** truck and a shiny red British car.

  4. "OOHHH, you have a Mustang like that? :)


    And where did you find a Steve McQueen mask?

    1. No mustang but I so can drive like that on an open road.


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