Saturday, December 29, 2018

In Dog Beers I've Just Had One - Holiday Season Grocery Shopping

Grocery shopping in an oncoming winter storm before New Years is never fun.  But with my husband being in charge of spiders, dead possums in the yard, and home repairs, the grocery shopping is my weekly chore.  I HAVE learned some things, however.

100 carts in the store and I will get the one with the front wheel that pirouettes like a ballerina on crack.

I always make a list.  Sometimes I remember to bring it with me.

Always eat something before shopping.  I once went on an empty stomach and came home as the proud owner of Aisle 5.

You can go to the store for "just" milk, and spend $125.

You know you need "me" time when a stroll down the detergent aisle feels like a spa day.

My husband once asked me to pick up some oil  There were like 87 different kinds.  I now know what men feel like in the Tampon aisle.

If someone is standing directly in front of the item I need I will pretend to look for something else before they move.
I  once lost my Step Mom in the store.  I was 53.  They gave me a balloon and paged her.

I do not object to telling the millennial who has 87 items in the Express Aisle "that I know all the lyrics to Frozen and I am NOT afraid to use them".

I have, on more than one occasion of many years, turned the Betty Crocker Upside Down Cake box in the aisle - upside down.

I realize that I get excited that I can now buy the unhealthy cereal my Mom usually didn't let us have.

Someday they will say about me "she died doing what she loved, carrying 87 plastic bags of groceries from the car to the house, rather than make 2 trips.".

That being said - happy to have survived and make it home for a cold one.

And frozen fish sticks - as I was tired out from all the shopping.


  1. 100% accurate and applies to all of us. The bit about leaving without the list is legend, "I thought you had it, no I thought you had it" (wife and I do shop together most times now that I am home permanently and not traveling constantly - I like generic equivalents and she likes brand names - constant tug of war) ;-) Happy New Year to both of you.

  2. Been there, done that. Bought the t-shirt, then left it at the store. Put the list in my pocket and then pulled it out after getting home. My mom never did lists and would go up and down each isle. I once asked why she did not do a list and her response was she did not know what she needed till she got to the store.

  3. I recognize every one of those points, and have done most of them. A couple had me laughing out loud while the rest of the family thought I'd lost it. One thing: my shopping list now resides in "Reminders" on my cell phone, as it's rarely forgotten when leaving the house.

  4. I tell the baggers at the checkout (when they ask me if I want them to load the car) "No, it's ok. You don't know where I live to unload it when I get home...". I, too, make one trip from the car to the house with everything but the eggs.


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