Prison Walls are Never Built to Scale - An Abby Normal the Lab Post

Reporting LIVE from JAIL - Yes, that's right, it's me, Abby Normal the Lab and I'm in jail.  I think someone should call the Law Offices of Von Schnitzel, Ketchum and Dedum about this egregious mistake.

It all started a few hours ago. Life had been good. It's been 4 years since Mom adopted me as from the Lab Rescue place after my previous family dumped me really sick at a high kill shelter. I loved my new home even if it was in Chiberia and I have a really comfy bed and lots to eat.  Mom's friends that loved Barkley love me know too (Mrs. Og, who comes over to our house to visit, calls me Princess Wondercoat). I work hard at keeping the Evil Squirrel Cartel away from Mom's flowerbeds and the Navy Veteran who lives next door give me treats.

Mom and Dad had a romantic dinner planned tonight as Dad has been gone a LOT on a big project for work. There was yummy smelling food that Mom cooks, candles and wine. Mom made silly giggling noises and Dad was smiling a lot.  But first it was time for "take the dog out".  Our house is in the city but the original owners bought TWO lots so it is in a deep, wooded area that has all sorts of critters living in it and sometimes coming into the smaller fenced part on their way to the large park and river nearby.  There in the back corner, I did my favorite roll in the grass, but it was even better as it was "roll in the smell" as something was deader back there in the dark.  I'm not sure WHAT it was, there was just a big, smelly stain in the grass and I rolled in it good.

I don't know about you two, but something smells in here.

When Dad brought me into the house, boy was I STINKY. Dad said "maybe it's just poop" and Mom smelled me and said, "no, I know that smell too well - that's deader". Mom was NOT happy with me but she got all kinds of warm, wet towels and wiped me down gently as best she could. But then they put me in jail. It was a small room cell blocked with a baby gate so I couldn't get out. I have my older washable travel bed and my favorite stuffy, but they put stuff on the futon so I couldn't smellasize it.

If that is dog shampoo I may have to kill you.

Dinner was put on hold and Dad then went to Wall-GREENS and got doggie shampoo and gave me a bath and then put me back in jail until I'm a hundred years old "dry". I don't think Mom was too happy with me as I'm pretty sure I saw her slug a drink directly out of the Laphroaig bottle before she went to take a long shower.

I think evenings like this is why we have this extra safe.

But little known to Mom, I barked to one of my doggie neighbor friends and they're going to send me something to spring me.  Not just a file in a cake, a super hero with a utility belt or even better.  A TANK.

And not just ANY Tank, but the "Donk".  Don't' laugh - go to Amazon and you can get your own. Now, I know what you're thinking.  Many of you have fallen trap to the "purchased the first tank you saw", just wanting to get your better half something for that special date and get out of the store as quickly as possible only to have her roll her eyes and tell you the insurgents are going to take that thing out with a homemade Mortar in 5 minutes and her friend  Mary's husband spent three months salary and got her a bigger tank than this one.

It pays to shop carefully - especially when springing a friend from jail.

Hurry - The Matron is blow drying her hair - she'll never catch us!