How NOT to Do Self Defense.

Work safe - made me snort scotch on my keyboard even if my Spanish is lousy. (click on the "view" button to view).

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Living in a Vacuum - DIY Dog Hair

If you have a pet - with resultant pet hair and treat crumbs, you likely own a vacuum cleaner..  It's one of those appliances that seem to sit in the corner when not in use until they don't work at ALL, then get thrown out and another purchased.

Every one has different standards of what they are comfortable with, cleanliness wise.  I am perfectly fine coming home to a Triumph TR6 carburetor disassembled on my dining room table as long as the bathtub sparkles.  Some folks aren't happy unless one can perform brain surgery on their floors while others are perfectly happy not getting out a bottle of Windex and the paper towels until the bacteria in the kitchen is big enough to enter a tractor pull.

Personally I like to keep a reasonably clean house, both my own and my elderly Dads (I redecorated his bathroom with new paint, curtains, cabinets and a sign!) I also like to do so economically, even making up some of my own cleaning solutions. (Note to readers:  Do NOT clean your toilet bowl with Diet Coke and Mentos.)

So I noticed how expensive vacuum cleaners had gotten.  Then after going through a couple in about as many years I did two things.

I ignored the urge to buy another cheap one.  This is one appliance where paying a little extra is worth it. Mine gets a pretty good workout between dog hair and that Christmas party where someone made a glitter bomb and we're still finding the stuff 87 years later.

I then learned how to to do basic upkeep and read the owner's manual.

If it  doesn't turn on:

First make sure the outlet it's plugged into isn't controlled by a switch on the wall (now don't I just  feel stupid now?)

Next, check the connection and make sure it hasn't blown a fuse.  When that happens, no one is happy. Fuses are like safety valves, if a circuit overloads then its fuse or circuit breaker triggers and the electricity is automatically cut off.  Resetting a blown circuit breaker is easy (though I learned you need to think about WHY it blew first, especially when at 40,000 feet) while that blown fuse needs to be replaced.  That in itself is an easy fix, and ladies, if you can do this without help, your man WILL be impressed.

(1) To turn off the power to the house at the fuse box, pull out the main fuse block, which looks like a rectangular block with a handle. It is usually located at the top of the panel. Tug hard and straight out on the handle. Use caution; the metal parts may be hot. (Your power company may well have an online tutorial for this, which I'd highly recommend.)
(2) Screw out the blown fuse in a counterclockwise direction (it's it the cartridge type, pull straight out)
(2) Replace the blown fuse with a new one of the same capacity.
(4) Replace the main disconnect panel to return power to the residence.

Isn't he impressed?  Now don't do this while coming in from a rainstorm, all wet -  you may end up with a perm where you really didn't want one.  Electricity and water do NOT mix so be careful of standing water in your basement or laundry room if there's a breaker box there.

The power source is good, but still no power?

Check the electrical cord.  If it's frayed and not connecting properly, re-splice the wires together and patch the splice with lots of electrical tape. (Please unplug it first unless you want your new nickname to be "sparky). This is a temporary repair only, but it will work.

If the motor has simply conked out, there's not much you can do but take it into a repair place or replace.

It just doesn't suck properly.

You've all done it. Vacuumed over that tiny little corner of paper, again and again, and it just stays there on the floor. With a sigh, you bend over and pick it up, only to throw it down and try and vacuum it up again.

Yes you have.

If your vacuum isn't picking up properly, there are a few simple things you can do before pitching it.

If it's old it just might need some minor adjustments.

First check the bag.

Make sure you have the right type for your vacuum.  Not just any bag will do.

Then see how full it is.  You know the "honey not now, I'm in a meat coma" after dinner at Fogo De Chao?  Well, overstuffed bags (or clogged filters) don't operate very energetically either.  Operating with a full bag also reduces the life of the vacuum.  Replace the bag when it's 1/3 to 2/3 full.

 If you have household pets, also buy a small flea collar and cut it into small pieces (wearing gloves) and put one into the bag (sealing the remainder in an air tight baggie) the night before you replace it.  That will kill any fleas before you remove it and put it in your trash (some recommend leaving a bit of one in there all the time but I'd rather not have the insecticide fumes in the house with all the air that moves through it).

Barkley - The Original Flea RV, in Park

Check that the hose doesn't have any holes in it. Holes in Swiss Cheese are good, your vacuum, not so much. Aren't you glad you bought that electrical tape.  Tape should be just a temporary fix until you can replace. Don't drape the disconnected hose up over a nail to store it, this is often the cause of the damage.

If it is the type that has a tube, make sure there's nothing clogging it (Hey - it's Mr. Squeeky!)

Though little kids love to go for a ride astride a canister type vacuum while you pull it, it's best to say no (look, the ice cream truck!).  Such vacuums aren't designed for that kind of weight, and you'll soon find yourself with a very expensive hose replacement.

The round spinning brush under the vacuum cleaner (basically an agitator) should spin freely.  If  it doesn't, there might be hair or small debris wrapped around it, keeping it from rotating and doing its job.  Use a small pair of scissors to cut through the build up, gently pulling it free. If it's finer hair or a piece of string, remove with a seam ripper (available in hobby stores or where sewing supplies are found).  If it's your better half's favorite bore snake for cleaning their squirrel hunting firearm, hide the remains quickly and distract them with a pie.

If the rubber belt attached to is is broken, you can replace that by removing the bottom place assembly with a screwdriver. Belts will need to be replaced every 6 months to 1 year, depending on how much it's used. Compare your belt to a new one to check its quality. It should be tight, without worn spots, cracks or unevenness.

I didn't think they still MADE shag carpeting? 

Some vacuums with agitators and brushes need to be adjusted for the height off of the carpet.  Too close and there won't be adequate suction to really pick up anything. Too high and they merely wave at the dirt.

And finally - 

It's not a vacuum cleaner.  It's a Dalek from BBC's Dr. Who and when you removed that bottom plate and poked it in the rear with a pair of needle nose pliers, you pretty much sealed your fate.

Reindeer Warnings

Won't play any reindeer games with me?  Then I might just forget to preflight the equipment!

A Dram of Whiskey and Some Scones

It has rained or sleeted all day. Just not a good day to go out. So after church and before finishing a book, I made scones. The recipe is below.  If you wish a mix - go to World Market (and some Safeway stores) and get the Sticky Fingers brand of scone mix that they carry. Excellent. Mine was simple, a basic recipe with wild Maine blueberries and glazed with butter, whiskey, cream, and sugar.

Scones are usually best on those cold grey mornings, when children trudge sullenly off to school, when the buildings creak strangely and dark shadows shiver and scratch on the walls, days when your body aches for the strength of another and the smell of the sea. Days of a fire upon a cold hearth, warmth in the kitchen, and perhaps a drop of Jameson's. In this case, a little Jameson in the glaze.

Scones
2 cups All-Purpose King Arthur Flour
1/3 cup Sugar
1 tablespoon Baking Powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 pinches Ground Nutmeg or Cardamon
1 teaspoon finely grated orange zest (the peel)
6 tablespoons Unsalted Butter (well chilled)
1 extra large egg
1 cup heavy whipping cream
1 1/2 teaspoons Penzey's Mexican vanilla

Vanilla Sugar
(I use Penzeys brand or you can make your own by putting a whole vanilla bean, sliced in half with the insides scraped out all of which is stirred into 2 cups of sugar in a mason jar and let it sit week).

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a large bowl, combine dry ingredients and mix well. Thinly slice the chilled butter into the bowl and cut into the dry ingredients with a pastry cutter until the flour and butter look like coarse meal.

In a clean medium-size bowl, mix all the wet ingredients. Add the wet ingredients to the dry, mixing as little as possible, just enough to incorporate wet and dry together.  If you like, add in a handful of wild blueberries, just at the end of the mixing.

Place the dough onto a flour-dusted pastry board (or another clean surface) and knead a half dozen times. Shape it into a round that's about 10 inches across. Place on cookie sheet sprayed with non-stick spray.  In my oven at 375 F oven, it took roughly 30 minutes to bake to a light golden color. (check it at 20).You can also deeply score the dough before cooking into 8 wedges. (reduce cook time 10 minutes though). Cool on a rack.

click on photos to enlarge

No recipe for the glaze, just a couple of teaspoons of butter, melted. Stir in a teaspoon of cream, a drop of vanilla if you like, a good splash of whiskey and enough powdered sugar to make a glaze. Put it on the scones as they come out of the oven, they taste like a melancholy moan of a Celtic tune, best shared with a friend, or a loyal dog.

The day is already getting brighter.

Pet Cams - The Latest in Canine Technology

If I'm stopped for a train or slowed for traffic I tend to notice roadside advertisements more. One billboard was for a Pet Cam which caught my attention with

 "What is YOUR pet doing during the day?"  

Most of us leave our pets at home as we work.  Some of us have dog walkers that come over, or there is a doggie door to a fenced yard so the dog can get outside and sniff the trees and the grass. Like a baby monitor/cam, the Pet Cam can be set up with multiple cameras so can see your pet both inside and outside - with a live feed so you know they're safe.

I thought about getting one for Abby. I try and make sure there is plenty to drink and the home is pet safe, nothing toxic in reach, extra TP out of the way as Abby (like Barkley) loves to snag the extra toilet paper rolls.  But I wonder if I'd really see anything worthwhile if I got one of those "pet cams".

I'm off to a meeting I have to go into the office for.  Let's see what the doggie cam has to say.

8 a.m.

10 a.m.

12 p.m.

2 p.m.

4 p.m.

the truck pulling in the driveway

I think I'm better off without the pet cam.  Sometimes it's better not knowing :-)

For Midwest Chick - Cat Haiku

Don't correct the cat

For he is certainly right

And knows where you live

Thank a Veteran - Then Go Make Some Biscuits

They honored the Vets at church today, we still have 3 WWII Vets attending service every single Sunday.  I made sure I thanked each and every one on this Veterans Day.

That being said - since we are busy coordinating things in CA for my family that lost everything in the Paradise fire, writing will be short - specifically a recipe.

For those of you poor folks who eat your biscuits out of a CAN, this is what a real homemade biscuit looks like (this was just half of one).  I lived in the South for almost 10 years, so one thing I got a lot of practice with was making biscuits so I'm included some tips.

The picture above is just the "stunt biscuit".  This is the whole thing.

Brigid's Biscuits (y'all better not make any jokes about that, my Dad reads my blog).

2 c. self-rising flour  I use White Lily brand, it makes a tremendous difference in the height of the biscuit as it's a soft winter wheat, low protein - if you live up North and your store doesn't carry it, you can buy it on Amazon which is what I have to do because one thing you never hear anyone say in Chicagoland is "I hear this city makes a mean biscuit!". If you don't want to buy from Amazon use pastry or cake flour but DO NOT use all-purpose flour.

Ingredients:

1/4 cup lard (don't even think of using Crisco)
2/3 cup cream to which you've added 2 Tablespoons lemon juice or use 2/3 cup buttermilk.  You may need an additional Tablespoon or two as it comes together.

Step by Step Instructions:


Preheat oven to 500 degrees F.  (I've also cooked at 475 F.which works fine, the biscuits are just a little paler).

Let liquid sit while this happens, you want the liquid and butter to be warmer than icebox temperature. Cut the lard into the self-rising flour with a fork until it is in small flakes or balls. Don't mix the lard in completely if you want a really flaky biscuit. 

Stir in the liquid, stirring JUST til it pulls away from the side of the bowl. If it hasn't pulled together as a soft dough, add another Tablespoon or two of liquid and very gently mix with a fork

Turn out onto a floured cutting board and, with hands dusted with flour, knead very gently 3-4 times. No more than that. 

Gently pat out about 1/2 to 3/4 inch thick and cut using a 2-inch biscuit cutter or drinking glass, dipped in flour. Cut straight down, do NOT twist the biscuit cutter, and put them top down on your baking sheet.  This will ensure that you don’t seal the edges any more than necessary and that the most sealed edge–the side you cut from–will be at the bottom so they will rise as much as possible. Put them closely together on an ungreased cookie sheet, even touching if you like. Biscuits don’t spread, and they feed off of one another’s heat so I put mine very close together, even touching sometimes for the highest rise.

Bake for 8-10 minutes, checking at 8 minutes as they are usually done then. 1/2 inch thick dough will give you about a dozen biscuits. I make mine a little thicker and get about 8 biscuits. This easily cuts in half for two people

NOTE:  If your flour is NOT self-rising add 1 Tablespoon of Baking Powder and 1/2 teaspoon of salt to the recipe (based on two cups of flour).

Prayers for Paradise

Please, everyone, send prayers and/or healing thoughts to the people of Paradise California and other parts of the state hit by the fire.

A member of my family lost their home, and being out of state at the time was not able to take out ANY items of sentimental value or any financial records.  My cousin lost a winter's supply of hay for the horses she boards and cares for that is stored there for the winter, and the Aunt of my cousin's better half lost her home as well.

All are at my cousin Liz's up in the Sierras, including a Paradise neighbor that simply had no other place to go as she's quite elderly. The Aunt has a sister in Portland, they can take her there to live.  The elderly neighbor will be with them as long as she needs.  That's the kind of person my cousin Liz is.

But they are in total shock so any prayers are appreciated.  Partner in Grime and I are tweaking the budget to replace the hay.  The horses and I sort of have an "I won't ride you if you don't bite me" detente thing going but she just doesn't have the means to replace that much hay, especially with the post-fire price gouging that will likely go on.

We're family, that's what we do.

Look a Squirrel ! - Holiday Gift Giving

With Christmas coming up there's often a package on the porch when I get home as I do almost all of my shopping online.

I wasn't sure what the one box was - maybe it's the toy I got for Abby.

It's the Outward Hound squirrel puzzle tree with squeaky squirrels.  Abby's going to go BONKERS when this arrives.

It wasn't that today though. It was a collection of little travel size (1/2 ounce each) fragrances from Demeter which are fun little stocking stuffers.  They have some UNIQUE scents, is all I can say.  Many are really lovely, some are just odd (if your boyfriend wants you to smell like Paint, Turpentine or  Lobster, I don't want to get invited to the wedding).  Of course, there are some that make me laugh AND smell good.

I got Cinnamon Bark roll-on skin oil, an old standby that is spicy but not sickeningly sweet.  It's my best friend's favorite.  I also added some others.  The RHIB was just like the cocktail it's named after, very strawberry scented.  I like my Victoria's Secret Strawberry and Champagne spray better but it smelled nice. The Marshmallow was a light sweet fragrance, one I think my daughter. would like.  The Honey was sweet and pretty but I pictured swarms of Africanized Bees (Beebonics! Oh No!) swarming after me.  I may pass on that one.  The Gin and Tonic -  nice, subtle lime undertone and very crisp. This is going in my husbands stocking as that will make a very nice man's fragrance.  The Butterscotch - OK, I was caught huffing my wrist.  I'm going to keep that one for myself for date night.

Riding crop smelled like worn leather but my cousin who has horses may get a smile out of it. The only one I did NOT like was the Thunderstorm, which I expected to.  I was waiting for a crisp rain smell with perhaps some pepper added to the oils to make it sharper.  Nope, it smelled like something electrical burning from behind the dash.  I've smelled that smell in a Sherpa transport aircraft, late it night over a hostile landscape, and, trust me, that is NOT a good smell.  Thunderstorm isn't the right name.  They really should have named this one Lucas. (Any of you who have a British car in your garage - ever notice that Lucas and Lucifer start with the same three letters? Just saying).

What to do with it?  Hmmmmm. (insert evil laugh here)  I think I will make little air fresheners out of cardboard, cut them in the shape of a fuse, douse them well with Thunderstorm perfume, then stuff them in the vents in the current Triumph project and see how long it takes my husband to start looking around for the Lucas Replacement Wiring Harness Smoke Kit. :-)

For now, I can come up with something that smells much nicer than any of this. 

• Vanilla Cupcakes with Milk Chocolate Hazelnut Frosting

Vanilla cupcakes with chocolate hazelnut frosting, topped with crumbled Cadbury Flake candy. I made up a batch of these for a friend with a black lab that needed a little holiday cheer.

The cake has extra vanilla and the tiniest hint of almond and the creamy chocolate hazelnut frosting recipe has been a big hit with those I've shared it with on the blog before.

It must smell good - doggie photobomb!

Now what's that burning smell?

My Thoughts on the Election so Far