You have all seen the magazines at the grocery store, most of which have the oxymoron of articles.
"Lose Weight NOW. Our easy Lutefisk diet."
and "20 cheesecake recipes."
And of course
"100 tips to turn your man into a sissified wienie."
followed by
"Where have all the real men gone?"
See why I don't like them?
And of course, there was always the monthly Cosmo "Quiz".
What does your man do after lovemaking?
(1) Whisper sweet nothing in your ear while
showering you with rose petals
- 10 points
(2) Roll over and go to sleep - 4 points
(3) untie you - 1 point.
(1) Whisper sweet nothing in your ear while
showering you with rose petals
- 10 points
(2) Roll over and go to sleep - 4 points
(3) untie you - 1 point.
But I have to admit, in my youth, I picked up more than one "Cosmo" with the inevitable overly primered, airbrushed, and shellacked model on the cover, telling me and all my friends, THAT was what men wanted.
But, like those of us that sneak covert glances at the tabloids while waiting in line (Hillary meets with space aliens), I quickly discarded that particular shame-based guilt. Seriously? the Cosmo girl?
Look anyone can do that. Take the girl next door. Cleavage, airbrushing. . and
CAMO???
See?But for tonight, a few reasons while I will always be the girl next girl WITH the deer stand and NOT the Cosmo girl.
Why'd I rather be a hunter than a Cosmo Girl.
I don't have to decide between 50 pairs of shoes.
Two fragrance choices - dirt or Tinks.
I don't drive to another tree to pee because this one is just too "icky".
People I'm around telling me the truth.
I can clean my fingernails with a Gerber knife.
The whole trip only needs one suitcase.
No public bra strap problems.
No one cares if I shaved my legs.
The people I'm with, I trust, as my back up, guarding my life, and most importantly, keeping an eye on the crock-pot.
"Sleeping bag hair" is the norm.I can buy "protective gear" without the clerk imagining me naked.
When you drop in on other hunting parties you don't have to
bring a little "gift".
If I want to adjust "the girls" in the stand, no one is going to stare at me.
I can buy all the clothes I need in one store in 25 minutes.
Hunting boots don't cut, blister, or mutilate my feet.
Even if I don't score, I don't sit home weeping over my Yogurt.
If I retain water, it's in a canteen.No one counts Weight Watchers "Points" of the Backstrap and Beer.
No worry about mascara smearing, I'm not wearing any.
The occasional treestand belch is expected.
When I'm showing off my "156 on the Boone and Crockett non-typical" they're looking at HIS rack.
You will NEVER hear Michael Bolton in the woods.
I can kill my own dinner.
One mood all the time - sheer happiness
What are you gawking at? Whitetail season is next month. Start planning that trip. And if you haven't before, take the lady you love with you. She might surprise you.
Love,
Brigid
we went up to the Horicon March over the weekend. not to hunt but to look and hike. Miscalculated the rain and the last 2 miles of our hike was in a steady down pour, when we got back to the truck her only complaint was that there were suds on her jeans, meaning that the washer might need some work on the rinse cycle. 40 years married to her I think she's a keeper
ReplyDeleteSounds like my kinda fun. Hope you have a great time and stay safe. Hope for a post of your trip with pics, when you get back.
ReplyDeleteThis is a lovely list.
ReplyDeleteMichael Bolton in the woods. This has all the makings of a silly YouTube video...
I love Michael Bolton. I celebrate his whole catalog. (ACK, gag)
ReplyDeleteThis is a good post. It made me laugh plus it is honest to God true. Outstanding.
Rick
I'm reminded of the conversation between Rooster Cogburn and Eula May Goodnight on the trail.
ReplyDeleteI think it would be safe to say, we are all grateful that you are a hunter, not a Cosmo girl.
ReplyDeleteunties you??? kind of personal isn't it? :)
ReplyDeleteThat was an actual magazine quiz - NOT my personal life :-)
DeleteYeah, that's what I thought - but just couldn't resist being a wiseguy.... :)
DeleteI could have sworn "untie you" was worth more points....
DeleteAh yes, women who hunt ARE the kind you want to take home to mama... :-)
ReplyDeleteHey Brigid;
ReplyDeleteExcellent post, LOL I have a few "Hunter Girls" that are friends and this is soo true, and Old NFO is correct, Hunter girls are the ones you want to take home to mama.
"Untie you - 1 point"
ReplyDeleteI was teaching the Scouts in my Troop pioneering and we had just gone to a reenactment encampment of the Voyageur and colonial days. I decided that I'd buy 100 feet of hemp rope, since that's what they used in those days.
Apparently hemp rope is unique among natural fiber ropes because it is both soft and flexible. On that basis it does not chafe skin. On that basis it's commonly used in certain activities that the above line brought to mind. If you ever decide you want to buy some hemp rope, I suggest you do not do the internet search on it while people you are not well acquainted with are present.
Ah, deer season, where I can get up early, sit on the deck with a 30-30 and wait for the herd to walk by. :-)
ReplyDeleteWe're starting to get lousy with deer around here, and a bad winter will mean a lot of deer to cull.
Hmmm.
ReplyDeleteOld School.
Remington Wingmaster.
High base 12 gauge rounds?
You are not going quail hunting.
I don't know, but I've been told that once you have eaten the blackstrap from whitetail you are ruined for mule deer or blacktail.
I do know that blackstrap placed in a sliced biscuit and wrapped in foil makes a great pocket snack while overwatching a canyon while waiting for said backstrap's kin to come along.
Good list.
I,laughed.