Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Don't Drink and Decorate


We've all had some dwelling in our youth that was less than "tastefully" decorated. But as we grow up and move into adulthood, we sometimes get to experience some really nice places, be it a vacation, our dream home or a honeymoon or first class business trip where you get to stay in a luxury multi star hotel

It was a hotel with good expectations. Highest Four Star hotel rating, fine dining and "new and complete renovation". It billed itself as a "peaceful oasis of sophistication" in a bustling city down south. I had visions of a long swim, or a soak in the hot tub followed by a night of relaxation in soothing decor for the weary traveler. For the price I expected, well , peaceful luxury. Soothing colors, a virtual SPA of a room. What I got was red, black, ultra modern with lots of bright shiny silver and the Bathroom from the OK Corral. It was so ugly I actually called a couple people and described it. Then I walked a careful grid in the room until I found alcohol.
Boring blog fodder for a Wednesday night but I couldn't resist as my friends told me I had to post this.
I will leave the name of the establishment out of here because the wonderful staff, I'm sure, didn't pick the decorator and they were really nice. The bed was comfy and the food, quite tasty (if you don't mind paying $50 for an 8 ounce steak and a side salad). But the room. Oh my eyes, my eyes.!


Maybe there's one of these with the soap and the shampoo.

The lampshade was bright shiny red and brought an interesting red glow to the room. I figured if I got lonely enough I could open the curtain and light the lamp and within an hour there would be five guys looking for a good time at my door.
The extra chair for lounging was comfortable if you were a anorexic Hobbit.
We'll start with the art work. First the one over the desk. Don't look directly at your computer monitor. Medication questions should be posed to a pharmacist. Readers experiencing nausea should leave the post. I called this one, "Road Trip from Hell".


Over the bed was the artists rendition of Cirque de Soleil, but which I called Les clowns sur les drogues. Maybe it's just that I'm not deep enough for modern art.. Maybe I just don't "get" modern art like this guy does.

At least I can turn the one light that's not red off and get a bath.
Maybe not. The bath was painted in Cow Patty Brown with a towel rack that resembled something that I think was leftover from Chain Gang Fantasy Camp. There was no other decor but a stark mirror, some shampoo, soap and such, and alas, no eye mask.

The wall couldn't decide it it was world's biggest padded headboard or padded walls. What wasn't padded was a muted CP Brown and, ever so soothing with the bright red, brown, black and silver. It was a room with the coziness of a dental lab, albeit without the sink to spit.


As I settled in, I had this nagging feeling I'd seen this room before. Then it hit me. It looked like the modernistic furnishings from a scene in Woody Allen's 1973 movie Sleeper. I didn't see the movie when it came out, as I was too young to pay much attention to such things. But I saw it later and remember certain bits and pieces of it.


Stay warm. I'll talk to you all soon. - Brigid

8 comments:

  1. Towels over the toilet??? Yuck!!

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  2. Hyatt Regency Grand Cypress?

    The room doesn't look all that different than the decor of the new Holiday Inn Express I stayed at on the road this Summer. And they had complimentary breakfast as well as free pancakes in the evenings, produced by a Popcake machine in the lobby.

    Even if you saw the name "Hyatt" or "Hiton" on the sign, chances are that the hotel has foreign ownership (based on the look, I'm guessing Japanese) trying to squeeze every last dollar out of their depreciating asset.

    The other problem with "nice" decor is that housekeeping will beat the daylights out of the furniture with the commercial vacuums.

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    Replies
    1. No. - MUCH further West. I've had the insta-pancakes before - they make good frisbees.

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  3. Hope Rags doesn't leave any D batteries behind! :-)

    gfa

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  4. Ah, the "privileged" life of a road warrior. Try not to stare directly at any one point for too long; it induces something akin to snow blindness. :)

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  5. Brahahahaha! When I saw your title I thought in terms of the year of the Christmas intestinal bug and the Charlie Brown tree that looked better the more beer I drank. Now I'm thinking of the "government rate" hotels I've stayed at in my career that involved stains and smells that I'd just rather not contemplate but would have made Picasso proud.

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  6. Whoa! Those decorators were more than drunk. Perhaps they needed to leave some behind to make the room more palatable! Maybe after this trip you'll add a travel eye mask to your go bag!

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  7. But... but... the art over the desk has a Labrador retriever in it!

    At least that's what I think it is, in the lower half of the piece. He's laying on some towels, next to a picnic cooler, in the back of a station wagon.

    The station wagon also contains (l-r) a skinny bald guy in the driver's seat, a small alien (w/space helmet) looking backward at us, and either Goofy or Pluto (never could remember which was which).

    Either that or the middle passenger is a kid with a baseball cap, and the shotgun-side passenger is the alien (disguised as Homer Simpson).

    It's also possible that what I interpret as a black Lab is meant to be Darth Vader, and they're all aliens, probably the bad ones. What do I know from art?

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