Sunday, August 1, 2010

It's EASY to register your AARP membership

click to enlarge

Dear AARP:

Yes, my birthday is in less than two weeks. I'm hitting one of those mumble mumble and holding milestones. But I wish to respond to your offer of membership.

(1) You supported the Health Care Bill.

(2) I can STILL benchpress more than the average Democrat and fit into a leather bustier if the occassion would ever arise, thank you very much.

(3) Given the economy, I won't get to retire for another 15+ years.


(4) Something seems to have happened to your membership card.

Please remove me from your mailing list.
- Brigid


  1. Hands up everyone else who doesn't believe Miss Brigid can bench-press in a leather bustier, and wants photographic proof. (Preferably in a double page spread.)

    Best wishes.

  2. So I see you had pretty much the same reaction I had. Heathen that I am, I scrawled one of those two word phrases on mine and sent it back. Kind of them to include a postage-paid envelope for the purpose.

    Oddly enough, I haven't heard from them again. :-)

    Happy birthday when the auspicious day arrives, and I wish you many more.

  3. Old shooters don't retire, they wait until the time is right and go out with a BANG!

    Dann in Ohio

    PS: My wife said if I ever got her one of those pink guns that seem to be trending lately, I'd go out with a bang!

  4. I'm about your age, but I've never received one of those.

    Mrs. Roscoe, OTOH, who is a little more than a year younger than me, gets an AARP invitation about once every six months. I intercept those at the mailbox to prevent problems. :)

    AARP wasn't the only group who betrayed the folks paying the bills. The AMA and other physician organizations sold out their members on the health care bill. My wife cut her memberships to just those necessary for her to practice.

    (BTW, no leather bustier, but she does have an authentic bunny waitress uniform for next Halloween.)

  5. Hah! I am totally wiped out after teaching all day, but I had to to say that an adult beverage was ejected from my nose! Please warn of extremely funny posts in the future! Off to unpack from the day! Only on online task left for tonight, to update the blog on today's activities. Oh, and figure out what to run for Retro Sunday's tomorrow.

    Any suggestions?


  6. Always knew there was a use for AARP cards, just hadn't figured it out yet...... thanks for the tip...

    bang bang

  7. OK, first there was the "naked with a $500 bill taped to my forehead' and then there was "bench pressing in a leather bustier."
    You're a cruel woman.

    Once again, I registered Mrs. Dang and I with the Direct Marketing Association's "Consumer Choice" program, and we have never, not once, received any mail from the AARP, and we are both past the age where they used to practically demand you sign up.

  8. Going out with a bang is much better than a whimper!

  9. I know it's a bit early, but happy birthday anyway, and best wishes & God's blessings to my favorite author.

  10. Miss Brigid, I greatly enjoy reading your blog. If you have an Amazon wish list, or something similar, I would be honoured to get you a little something for your upcoming 21st birthday. If you don't want this in your comments, perhaps you could just point us all in the right direction by adding a wishlist to your blog.I'm sure I'm not alone.

    Best wishes

    wv= fruismo :- what very macho mediterranean fruit exudes

  11. Now I know what to do with those things, thanks for the tip.

    BANG .... BANG....

  12. Aside from the whole "you are in our database, and we know how old you are", and supporting the health care income redistribution thing, they also have given money to anti-gun causes, and actively discouraged 'older folks' from arming themselves, 'cause they're just too stupid and fragile...

  13. I always diligently return the self-addressed, postage-paid envelop to AARP. Often I thoughtfully include a coupon for a sundae, or an oil change, or something else that they may find useful.

    Of course, being the modest sort, I never include anything that would allow the recipient to send me a thank-you note.

    I figure that I am costing them about $5 per year in postage, printing, and postage-due fees.

    Just doing my part.

  14. Heh, I love it Brigid, that is the perfect response. Happy Birthday, whenever it is.

  15. That was the most simultaneously hot and patriotic thing I have read in some time...


    Thanks for the laugh.



  16. Happy Birthday when it happens! Do you remember the alternative street gang to AARP?

  17. B.

    Just a note in passing. You are aware that Amazon will conceal your ship-to address on your wish list? Also, you can use a different address -- such as the UPS Store or your work address -- than where you normally have stuff sent?

    I thought so. I just would have felt like sucha churl if you weren't and I could have told you.


  18. My mom used to paste those postage-paid envelopes onto the front of a neatly wrapped brick when she had had enough.

  19. Well, happy birthday whenever it is.

    I like your response to our "friends" at AARP, this has to much more satisfying than feeding their tender & caring missives to the shredder while uttering deprecations and maledictions. I'll try this with their next letter.

    Finally, retire in 15+ years? To do what? A friend & mentor always told me nothing says you have to retire if you love what you're doing and, for most, retirement is just a quick road to the graveyard. Doc was still engineering when he died at 94. Somehow, I have visions of Death calling to schedule an appointment is his ever busy calendar.

  20. When you get to 49, the age scale becomes logarithmic.
    Happy Birthday, dear Brigid!
    Happy Birthday to you!

  21. Mrs. Roscoe and I were both carded for 'R' movies well into our 30s. Then, our firstborn arrived at 25 1/2 weeks gestation, and the photos show me aging about 10 years in the three months it took him to get out of the NICU.

    I still look young for my age, but not as much as I did before that experience.

  22. Way to go Brigid! I have been tearing up their mail for going on 8 years now but I think your disposal method is more creative... going to save up the next batch of mail for target practice. Oh, and they just never shut off the mailings, no matter how many times you reject their entreaties.

  23. Went to, read what they had to say about, and followed a couple of their suggestions. Amazing how much Junk mail has disappeared from my life. But I deliberately keep the AARP crap coming. I figure if we can get them to waste their budget on mass mailing, some day they'll wise up when they look at their budget and realize their Executive Personnel can't get a pay raise and make a Zillion Dollars a year anymore.

    As for your Birthday, I'm at the stage where I just look in the mirror and tell myself "Congratulations, old boy, you've survived another year through the Decline of Western Civilization!" That eliminates the numbers game until forced into something by some Gooberment Bureaucracy.

  24. AARP? Thats what I did after too many Knob Creeks one night.
    Happy Birfday Kiddo!

  25. Points at what Mr. Alger said, above.
    However, too late to change your mind now! You will have to settle for me singing 'Happy Birthday' to you on the day. And I warn you, I can even WRITE out of tune.

    Best wishes.

    Good grief. wv= angst. Seriously. Must be all this talk of birthdays.

  26. Happy early Birthday, they seem to come faster and faster, good choice of targets, sounds good to me, will try that next time out.

    Thanks for the Bustier remark, the visual in my head made my day. ( smiles as he types ) best of luck in the next year.

  27. have you any idea what it's like for a 66 year old man to explain to his wife why he is googling "BUSTIER" to find out what it is?
    I don't know, dull, but happy life I guess?

  28. Happy Early Birthday, Brigid. Of whatever age, you are a lovely woman.

    I kinda think I will have to work until I die...Social Security wasn't doing well before this stimulus, and this won't help it any. I expect the govt. to eventually raise the retirement age to the point people die off before they are fully eligible.

  29. I've been ignoring the AARP for a couple years now. They say its denial but I say s**** em. I'm nowhere near to retirement and way to active to put myself in that catagory. As far as the the leather bustier thing...I'm trying not to picture that in my mind but failing. Guns and leather seem to go quite naturally together. A photo essay seems in order.

  30. I agree with Big Cat, but I will award bonus points if the bustier came from El Paso Saddlery and Leather, LOL!

  31. Back in the "Criminey, haven't checked the HOTR feed in a few days" mode, and catching up. Happy Birthday. I'd eat something tasty in your honor... but I'm trying to lose the 'present' of my birthday LAST month.

  32. Happy Birthday Brigid! I reach my 25th again in 3 weeks, I'll raise a glass to you.


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