Thursday, May 9, 2013

Tactical Fashion DOT com

I've written of my issues with "fashion" before.  I will never be pictured in one of those ladies glamour magazines except those old "do and don't" columns where they'd take photos of people off the street dressed improperly with a black square over their eyes to try and hide their identity - "Here's another woman that just does NOT know Ninja purses do NOT go with camo pants after Labor Day".

But then again, my closet looks something like this.
But one thing I will splurge on is a good haircut.  My hair is naturally curly, not tight curls, but still a lot of natural curl, very fine and lots of it.  On a good day, if I let it air dry,  and use a little styling product to make the curls stand out, it looks pretty good,  Other days, it looks like my head was attacked by a raccoon.  So for professional mode, I subdue the curl with a blow dryer and normally wear it up. 

Wanting something a little less boring , I decided to grow the bangs out.  That was fine until I ended up in the middle of something, dressed in gear that was supposed to keep my hair tucked away.  Except the bangs kept escaping.  Just long enough to cover my eyes.  Not long enough to stay under wraps.  I have to avoid the whole getting hands near my eyes things to brush them away (Mr. Rogers will explain biohazards, kids) and was growing increasing frustrated.  Finally I asked for a knife.
A simple knife will work on rope, boxes, crime scene tape, why not bangs.

I chopped several inches off of them.  I could see again.  End of problem.

Until I got home. They were surprisingly even, having done it without a mirror.  They were also VERY short.

I looked like a Romulan.

I went to the wonderful hair stylist that has dealt with my free range hair for years and she said "OMG. . . . .your bangs".  I grinned and said "don't worry, I told people you did it".

Fortunately my hair grows fast.  But there's a reason people don't come to me for fashion or accessory tips.
Or advice on what to buy from Victoria's Secret.

I wanted some pajamas.  Not the standard Victoria's Secret burn and pillage outfit, just regular warm, comfy pjs.  Victoria's Secret actually has them and they're made of material that's wonderfully soft and just gets softer with each wash. I know, as I got a pair of yellow ones as a gift and I wore them until they literally fell apart. 

So I found a pair, style wise. But no yellow. The solid colors were all on back order, so I took the only one in stock.  Polka Dot.  On the 6 foot, 100 pound model (35 pounds of which was hair and cleavage) they looked kind of cute.

Not so much in real life. (I don't remember them being that "dotty" in the catalog)

I'm not sure what came to mind first.

A target on a REALLY bad day of shooting .45

101 Dalmatians.

or Clowns.

Ladies are always told the right footwear makes an outfit, and men are said to like red shoes, but why can't I get THESE out of my head.

Hmmm, no.  Maybe something in a warm slipper.

But they are indeed warm and fuzzy, not a terrible way to spend a very stormy evening with ones favorite fuzzy friend (hey give me back my shoe!)


  1. I have fine hair, too. And many days where I am glad the scissors aren't close enough when I'm cussing out the hair (not just bangs, all the rest of it.) So, I feel your pain.

    The polka dots will take some getting use to - but those red shoes are ah, no......

  2. That's OK, Brigid, we love you anyway!

    Have you tried "PajamaGram"?

    Might be a little unusual sending them to yourself, but I've bought some for my wife there, and she was quite pleased with them.

    BTW....she likes "practical" jammies, as opposed to "tactical" jammies!

  3. Now that I have cut almost all my hair off, the bangs are what tell me when I'm getting shaggy enough to need a trim. They get in my eyes, my hair gets chopped off.

    Get a little mead in me, and I'll tell you about my "caught in an escalator" hairstyle post-leatherman trimming...

  4. Go longer.
    Long enough those bangs get tied up with the rest.
    Long enough those bangs get twirled and twisted with the back in a braid.

  5. naturegirl - I went for fuzzy slippers. Seemed the safer bet.

    drjim - I will check that out as I've a couple of team members who have said the same thing about that website and their wives that loved the product.

    On a Wing - your long hair was stunning, but with your eyes and cheekbones the short hair was like that "oh, WOW" moment. I have my June schedule, give me a holler for possible visit with you and Calmer Half.

    Once Free Man - Fortunately my hair grows very quickly, the bang debacle will soon be a thing of the past.

  6. I carry scissors in my pocket. Some days, it's a challenge not to use them. They are very nice scissors even.
    There's always the head shaving route. It's certainly liberating.

  7. Barkley would LOVE those shoes as a chew toy... :-) Might last all of three days per shoe!

  8. Check out Soma Intimates for pjs -- softest ever!

  9. ROTFLMAO! A Romulan?? How utterly classic! It has to be an old 60's era Romulan though, they had the best bowl-cut hair!

    I've been trying to grow my bangs and sides out, in preparation to getting it cut in a new style. I grow tired of the pulled back ponytail after 13 years of it.


  10. Thanks for a wonderful laugh on this fine Friday :)

  11. LOL!!! thanks for brightening up an otherwise boring day at work for me!!!

  12. Spike those bangs and wash the PJs with some RIT dye...problem solved.

  13. I can totally relate on the haircut. I use a sharp knife every time! My bangs exist only in my memories and some pictures from high school. My curls went the way of the dinosaurs and at about the same time. I have an intimate familiarity with every bump on my phrenologists dream of a cocoanut.

    I got a million of 'em!

  14. A Romulan. Classic, I can just picture that...

    Recently at a VFD training, some of the newer guys asked me why I kept wiping my forehead with my forearm instead of the soft, absorbent all leather fire gloves... I told them to wait for the next class on scene safety.

    As far as liking red shoes, nah. I've always liked that black patent mid heel shoe as long as she had a stocking seam to go with it, and far more importantly, was she comfy in it.

  15. IS that my riding crop???

    I think it is my keys and flashlight.

  16. B. - when I house-sat and took care of the critters that week you DID say "make youself at home" :-)

  17. Polka dot jammies, red boots, riding crop, and a spatula...perfect cackle-berry wrangling attire

  18. The ghillie suit made me think of one of the better headlines from the Daily Onion: "Annual Ninja Parade Passes Through Town Unnoticed Again".

  19. I think the M&P (9c?) is a perfect fashion accessory!


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