There's a series of commercials on the Chicagoland radio a couple of years ago from an identity theft protection service. They all give a list of "things your _____ will never buy".
One of the commercials went something like "The official list of things your girlfriend will never buy: Box seats to the rodeo, a 54 inch television, 2000 lbs of jet fuel, a cannon. "
Partner in Grime looked at me and said "the TV, I can see that - the rest of it sounds pretty normal for you".
With two careers, both in male dominated professions and being the only girl in the family, my life is probably a little different than the average gal. But it has had it's advantages, I've learned some things I might not otherwise have, or at least not as young as I did -
I know at least a half dozen phrases that rhyme with Nantucket
I know the difference between wings, hot wings, buffalo wings, boneless wings, delta wings and variable geometry wings
I know that driving really really fast on a flat tire will not generate enough centrifugal force to make it round again.
I know how to "suck it up. . ." and tackle a hard assignment without drama, tears or pity.
I know that of ink, Skydrol500B, hot sauce and blood, which is easier to wash out of your shirt.
I know how to grill a really, really good burger
Plus I can speak the language - motors, firearms, alcohol and even Pirate, knowing pirate speak and the 4 rules of Cutlass safety.
1. Your cutlass be always sharp.
2. Be sure of your cutlass and what be beyond it.
3. Keep the pointy end avast distance from yourself.
and the final one, remember gentlemen -
4. Never let your cutlass cover something you are not willing to poke
Craftsman Adjustable Wench
For my guy friends and I have spent more than one afternoon at the range, cracking up in pirate talk before coming back to my house for grub.
Something on a plank? (no, too predictable)
Hardtack? (no, I got that on my last airline flight)
Kraken? (too much like calamari)
Chum? (no, I'm out of Chum Helper)
Now, love my gal friends, who have taught me more about faith and firearms, self sufficiency and sacrifices than any one I know, but I am truly blessed by the men I know on and off the job.
But being pretty much the lone female in that group, I'm often queried when one of them doesn't understand something his wife, daughter, sister or girlfriend did, said or bought, as if someone who has a large ninja knife on her bedroom nightstand should give advice on women.
I do give a little advice, on minor things, such as -
Gifts to avoid for wives (or female friends and relatives)
NASCAR Memorabilia (unless she counts among her fantasies - winning a big race or climbing Tony Stewart)
Jewelry or personal item previously given an ex
Brake Fluid (don't laugh, a lady I know got that for Christmas one year from her spouse)
Any thing labeled (insert body part here)-BUSTER
Someone at the front door with a warrant
Soap on a Roap
Any Movie with Julia Roberts
Snuggies (cammo does NOT make it better)
A Coupon for a Target Portrait of him with your Mom and your Cat
Unsolicited Instructions and
Socks (he thought you said sex, so now, no matter how warm they are, it's a let down)
So, don't listen to the radio, don't label a gift male or female (though big kid that likes Scotch works in our house). When selecting a gift, be it birthday or holiday or anniversary - go with what you know the ones you love will like, not what society says they're supposed to like.