Tuesday, January 6, 2015
What's in a Name
4 Credit Cards- 3 bank accounts, one IRA and 72 different squirrel passwords (which you can't write down you must remember all of them so you can change them every 45 days), a few months left on a truck loan, and two passports. I was done.
Except for my dental insurance. For my very large and well known dental insurer couldn't get the name changed, over 14 months despite a copy of the marriage license, repeated requests, and one veiled threat to "actually find a dentist in my network even if they're all an hour away so you have to pay out big time". My regular health insurance - same company-- changed it and I they were awesome to deal with through the knee surgery and routine redhead upkeep and the coverage was excellent. But the dental division of the same insurer was a thorn in my side, to the point that even my periodontist staff (who I just love), says every time I come in-- "do you still have the same crappy insurance?"
Today - first of the year, 14 months after my marriage, several calls and times I got so cross I was blue-- I get my new card after they said they fixed it. It has my maiden name on it.
I go back to the original number which I'm pretty sure was in the U.S. - The nice lady explains that I can cancel my auto pay and when that's done ad I don't pay they'll cancel the policy. So I call the number she gives me and get to listen to a recording on Obamacare restrictions and grandfathering at which point, at the end of the message it hangs up on me. I call again and listen to the message again (seriously they really shouldn't play that recording so close to an election). Finally-- I get a human. I'm so excited - a real human, made of carbon, with fingers that can type into a computer and fix my issue. Unfortunately I seem to have a computer in another country where scores of young people are drawn into new jobs with "learn English, get high paying job manning shouting customer help desk!"
At this point, I wanted to poke my eyes out with a pineapple and then call my general health insurance. They know my real name.
Finally - "John" says the automated billing is removed but I'm told I still have to talk to a health care "adviser" in my state before they can do so. They then ask me something "Statis?" Static?" All I can think of is that old SNL skit--"Is it SATAN?" What? Oh--what STATE do I live in.
I was tempted to answer "someplace between anger and a really sharp object" but I said my home state.
"I'm going to pay for it out of pocket".
Silence. And I mean silence. The phone goes dark for several minutes at which point I say "are you there?". I get a gentle sigh and he says, kindly, "you could get on your husbands plan" and I feel for Jeff - somehow I sense he gets several of these phone calls a day and like the first lady, he just wants to help. He gets it handled and I thank him.
I love my husband - but they need to add "foreign call centers" to the vows.
Posted by Brigid at 7:11 PM